Double Take: A Breast Cancer Story with Pat Alva-Kraker | 032

You know what? I didn't know any better. And that's probably

the biggest difference between the first and the second time is

that the second time you have a resilience.

It's resilience. It's your ability to be able to bounce forward

and manage the

narrative. And I didn't manage the narrative the first time. I was

just totally trusting. And so it didn't even occur

to say, to ask, what do you think about it coming back on the left?

But this second time, it's like I'm controlling the narrative here.

I'm in power here. I'm standing in my power and I make

the decisions. And yeah, I'll take your information and I'll

consider your information. And at the end of the day, I'm the

one that writes this chapter. And the cancer's not going to

write the final chapter. I'm going to write the chapter.

Welcome back to another episode of Resilient AF

with Blair and Alana. Hold the Alana, because she is not here today,

but I am here with Pat. I'm so excited because not only is Pat

an author in Resilient AF Stories of Resilience Volume 2,

but she's a dynamic serial entrepreneur with a passion for

innovation, leadership and creativity. As the

managing partner of Majestic Coaching Group, Pat empowers women in

IT through personalized business advising, mentoring and

training. She also leads Majestic Lending llc,

supporting real estate investors with private lending opportunities.

As an accomplished clay artist, Pat conducts workshops that

helps women build confidence, embrace their true selves and enhance intuition

through pottery. Oh my God. I didn't know that about you. I'm so excited

to. I want to talk about that briefly today because that's amazing and I wish

Alana was here because she just did pottery lessons. Oh, wow.

Yeah. It's okay. She'll be jealous. You can, you can talk to her

in New York. So as an international speaker and six time best

selling author, her talks inspire women over

45 to embrace mindful leadership, relevancy and self care. She's

based in Fort Worth and she enjoys international travel and

pickleball. And I'm so happy to have you here

today. It is a delight, Blair, to be here

and to be a part of this dynamic

movement on resilience and

just to be able to share some wisdom with your audience.

So let's have some fun. Let's have some fun. So before we kind of dive

into like your story, I want to just touch on the

pottery. How did you get into that?

Yes. And that the last part of my Story. Okay, well, then let's. Let's.

Let's go back. Well, everyone who is excited to hear how she gets into pottery,

you're gonna have to listen to the whole episode.

So you have had breast cancer twice.

Let's talk about it. Let's talk about your first time.

Yeah, well, my first time was 27 years ago,

and it is really surprising that someone would go

this long and all of a sudden have a

reoccurrence. Even. Even my doctor said I've never had anyone

come to me for a second time after 27 years. And I was in

my 40s. I found the lump while I was taking a

shower. And I always do a breast exam on my birthday,

so every fifth of the month, I do a breast exam, and I found the

lump, and I freaked out.

Literally freaked out. I come from a family

of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, lots of

cancer in my family. And so I just. Just

froze in the shower saying, man,

this doesn't look good. It doesn't feel good. You know, where do we go

from here? And when I went to the

doctor the first time, I literally just kind of turned over my

power to the doctor, thinking that

he knew best and he knew the right way and everything

that I should be doing. And. And

I did exactly that. I followed his directions

explicitly and went through a conventional

biopsy, chemo, and radiation.

What it became a catalyst for

was alternative medicine, because I made a decision that

I was going to heal myself. And I

started studying alternative medicine, healing through

herbs, through oils. I became a polarity therapist, a reiki

therapist, just to be able to work on

myself. And it was. It was an

awakening that I had just put myself last

on the list and was really

giving to everyone, except to me.

And that's how that. That major

lesson came to me, is that you need to change something in your.

You need to pivot. You need to change something in your life, but you cannot

continue to go on living at this pace

and expect to recover. So,

yeah, it was. It was an experience. And, you know, at the time,

Blair, in 27 years ago,

cancer wasn't talked about like it's talked about now. It was like,

don't tell anybody that you have cancer. My mother would say that.

Don't tell, blah, blah, blah, that you have cancer. And, you know, it

was like, hush, hush. And, you know, very few people in my

circle knew, and I really became.

Went into my cocoon and

found that that really wasn't the best way to approach

this. This challenge, this

adversity. But I Didn't know better then. Like, I know

better now. So. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about that for a sec. So

you're 40, you're in the shower doing a breast exam. Were you. And you were

doing that every month. What age did you start doing

that? In my 20s.

I started doing that really early because my mom had breast cancer

and she had ovarian cancer and it

was so close. You know, I was young when my mom had

breast cancer that I immediately said, there's a chance

that one of us will have breast cancer. And so as, as soon as I

learned about my mom having breast cancer and

her sisters, then I just immediately, I said, we

need to. I need to do something. I need to stay on top of this.

And luckily, you know, I'm the one, you know, I

found it and we reacted quickly and it was stage one

and. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. And first of all, also, thank you for sharing that.

I mean, I can't imagine the

variety of thoughts that were going through your head when you found

that and walking through those steps, those similar steps that your mother

did. Let's

talk about, you know, I guess when you were in remission or recovery, like,

how long was that until you learned you had breast cancer a second time?

It was 27 years. Oh, so it was recently. I did.

I was diagnosed last February.

Last February, Yep. And I found. And I found the lump

again. I found the love. So even, even

27 years ago, I was very cautious about what I ate,

you know, making sure I didn't eat too much sugar because cancer like

sugar and doing the breast exam. Just really

being cautious about my health and well being

and eliminate. Trying to eliminate as much stress in my life as

possible. And when you go this

long, you. You think, I got it, you

know, 27 years, you know, 26 years. Hey,

every year is a success. And, you know, you just, people,

the doctors say if you can get past five years, you're clear.

Well, I believe that. Yeah, I

believed that, trusted that. Right. So does that

mean you didn't have a mastectomy?

Not then. I had. They just removed. I had a

lumpectomy, so they just removed the lump. And then I

had chemo and radiation. But the

second time it came back almost in the same

place. Same breasts. Right. Breast. Almost

the same place. And because the

radiation is so damaging to the tissue,

they wouldn't allow lumpectomy. They

said, we can't do it. We're going to have to take your breast.

And so that was shocking and

disappointing. But what was even more

shocking Was I asked the question,

what are the chances that it will return on my left?

And the doctor said, 40%.

Whoa, 40%. And I'm like, I can't live

with those odds. Right. I can't live with those odds.

Waking up every morning wondering, 40% chance

I'm going to feel a lump on. I said, no, I can't do it. I

can't do that. So I made a decision to have

a double mastectomy and a reconstruction. Wow.

Did you. Thank you for sharing. I.

I can't imagine walking through those familiar steps

that you walked, that, you know, you walked down that road 27 years ago. And

then last year, not even a year ago,

learning that you had a reoccurrence,

and this time being, you know, being told

that the mastectomy. The double

mastectomy. Well, the mastectomy, but you choosing the double mastectomy. Like, how did

you make that decision? Like, was it an instant? Like, yes.

Yeah, it was instant. Yeah, it was instant. I

didn't have a choice. Right on the right breast, because he's. I can't. I'm going

to have to take your breasts. And when. When he gave me the odds, I'm

like, I sat with that, but it didn't take much.

It's either. Always wonder every day

whether it's going to come back. And 40% chance is a high

percentage. It was like, no. I

mean, it's going to be painful, I know, but at the end,

I'm putting myself in a better position to

heal from the cancer on the right

breast and then not have to worry about

a reoccurrence anymore. So, yeah,

I made it that day. You know, within that half hour, we just

made a decision. This is the way we need to go. Yeah, that's.

That's really hard. Do you,

like, do you ever go back to the first time you were diagnosed and wish

you got a mastectomy then?

No, I, I don't.

I, you know, I, I don't. I just. I trusted the. I trusted the

doctors then and didn't be. And they really didn't, at that

time, really didn't have a discussion on the, The. The chances of it coming

up. And on my left breast. I didn't. You know what? I didn't

know any better. And that's the. Probably the biggest difference

between the first and the second time is that the,

the second time you have a resilience. It's resilience.

It's your ability to be able to bounce forward and

manage the narrative. And I Didn't

manage the narrative the first time. I was just totally trusting.

And so it didn't even occur to ask, what do you think

about it coming back on the left? But this second

time, it's like I'm controlling the narrative here. You're.

I'm in power here. I'm standing in my power and I make the

decisions. And yeah, I'll take your information and I'll consider

your information. And at the end of the day, I'm the one that

writes this chapter and the cancer's not going to write the

final chapter. I'm going to write the chapter that's

very powerful. It's very

powerful. And.

You know, cancer, I, I've yet to experience it, but

from being in the life of, you know, being close to people who've

had it and won the battle,

lost the battle, you know, seeing what supports were in

place. Medical system supports, family system supports,

resources. What was the big difference between your

first time 27 years ago and last year

in your. In the systems that were in place to support you, like, medical

wise? Because I know, like, also I'm in Canada and our medical

system's different. Like, so medical system, but also like your community.

Like, what was that? Like the first time versus now?

Yeah, that. That's a good question.

This. This time I decided that

I was going to let people know and that I.

I made a list of all the people that I wanted to. To

know and I created what

one of my really good friends coined is I created

my yes team. And these are the people that I said,

when I need something, I know that I can go to

Blair and she's going to say yes to whatever I ask her to do.

It might be fix me your favorite dessert. It might be come over to

the house and let's watch some romantic comedies. Might be let me

cry on your shoulder for, you know, 10 minutes. And I made

a list of people that were going to be on my yes team. And

I called them and I said, this is the situation, and

I want you to be part of my support team. Are you

willing? And they, all of them that

I asked said yes. And so that made the biggest

difference in support for me and support for my

husband. We. We didn't want for anything. You

know, people cooked for us, they sent us cards, they put us on

prayer lists, they came and visited, they

sent me flowers. You know, they offered to go with me to my chemo

sessions, on and on. And I.

It made all the difference

in, in being able to bounce back.

And it's really a core element of being able to

come back from any resilience, any adversity

is that you have that team that you're going to be able to go to

while you're working through the challenge that you know, you can count on

people because we cannot do it alone. And I couldn't. I wasn't

about to do it alone. It was hard the first time to be in isolation.

And I said, I, I won't do it this time. I. I love

that. I love that you had a yes team. I've never heard that

before, but it makes so much sense. It's, you know, will you be there for

me? I'd like to, you know, and obviously you're asking people that you.

You're close with. Right. And I think that's so important because we're not meant

to go through the hard stuff alone. That's why, you know, we exist, the community

exists. But I want to just kind of go back to something you just said

that I want to dig into a little bit. You said the first time you

did it in isolation. What do you mean? Did you not tell anyone?

I did tell. I did tell people, but I didn't tell a lot of people.

Really kept it really close to my vest, to just my immediate family.

I told my manager, but I didn't even want him to tell any of my

workers, which was absurd, you know, absurd. You should.

That I would make that decision because they want to know. And,

you know, it was really a small circle. So really, when I was going through

my treatments, it was my husband, my mother, my mother in law, and my

father in law. And they were the ones that were with

me the entire time, where they would take

turns to drive me to the hospital and back to my chemo, to my radiation.

And it was just those three people. When I

had other friends that lived in the community that could have helped us out,

and I chose to stay in this

small little community that

had I chosen to build a yes team, then

it would have allowed my family, immediate family,

to breathe and not be under the stress

that we were all under, because it was just us

four, us four that were trying to navigate

the journey locally. Wow. So,

so different. Like, those are two very different experiences. And I'm

sorry that you had to go through both of them, let alone just one of

them. And how are you feeling today? Like,

how are you feeling now? Yeah, yeah. Today, you know, today I

feel. I feel great. I'm feeling

better every day. My last treatment was in June,

so it's Only been four months since I had my last,

my last immune therapy session and

I, I was in a different position. So this time around

I made a decision that my, my

health was going to be number one. And at that time,

the first time I was working for corporate. This time I

have my, I have my own business. I'm a business coach. And then my husband

and I are private lenders. And so

in, in order to give position myself in the best possible

environment,

attitude, space, energy, I

decided to put my, my coaching business on hold.

And, and that was a big decision to do that. That in itself is a

whole conversation of how do you do that? Oh God.

Work our business. Yeah. You were trying to grow our business. Yeah.

We never spend time saying, what if I have to put my business on hold,

how am I going to do that? Right. And

so yeah, it was a learning cycle on how do I do that?

How do I put my business on hold? And because

it was the second time around, I said, I am not going to go back

to what was. Mm. I'm not

think something has to change. I, obviously this is a message

of again, not really

putting myself in a lot and not putting myself on top of the

list because breast cancer is when you talk, when you, when

I read and study about the, the emotional and the psychological

aspect of breast cancer, it's, it's associated with

women who over give. And

I overgave 27 years ago and obviously I was still doing

some over giving in this life in, in this particular

time and place. And

I am a very spiritual person. And I said, I am not going to go,

I'm not going to go back to what was. I'm not going to go back

to my business and I am going to allow

my, my higher self, my intuition to tell me

what's next.

And that what my intuition and my guidance

that came to me was, you're going to learn

how to work with clay.

And I was shocked. I'm like

being technical, left brain, creative now, you

know, right brain. You just like, I,

I just couldn't believe it. But I made a commitment to myself that I would

trust, that I would trust myself and trust the messages that were

given to me as to what the next chapter was. Yeah.

And I, I did a pivot. I said,

okay, I'm going to start taking classes. And I've been

taking classes now for a year on

pottery. I'm working with clay and

I have fallen in love with it. And it's.

Working with clay has taught me a lot. I feel like we Need a whole

nother episode on that.

What? Okay, let's do two questions for this because we have to wrap up

soon. One, what's the biggest lesson working with clay has taught you? And two, what

is your favorite piece that you've created so far?

Awesome.

It has taught me that when you are

hand building, there is no such thing as

perfection. There isn't. When you hand.

When you hand build, you know that it is not going

to be perfect, because if it was perfect, it'd be made by a machine.

And so the acceptance of working with clay, and I'm like,

oh, you know, this doesn't seem like it's quite square, or,

oh, this edge doesn't look right. I just had to be in acceptance of it

and say, this is it. This is

what is, and allow myself to

accept the imperfections of my work,

knowing that it's perfectly imperfect. And

that's what art is. I love

that. I'm. I'm. I'm an art person. I remember a little, as a little girl,

I would go and like, I. I went to the. I

was in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, and I went to the ymha, which is like the

YMCA but for Jewish people. And on Sundays, we had, like,

group things. And I. I loved going to the pottery class. I remember I

have this, like, memory of going down the stairs into the pottery room. And I

loved it. And I didn't do much pottery

growing up, but I. You know, I think about

maybe 10 years ago, I did pottery lessons, and I loved it. It just,

like, where I lived, there wasn't. It was down a highway. And I'm actually.

It's been in the back of my mind again to get back into pottery. Like,

I want to. I could do work at home. I don't have to always, you

know, use the wheel and whatnot. And it's interesting because my sister and I've never

talked about it, but she did pottery lessons all summer. And

it's so. I just. I just love this because I didn't know this about you.

And it's just so fun and artistic and

freeing and the whole, like, taking this ball of clay and making it

into something and, you know, painting it and creating it and using patterns

and stretching and bending and molding and, like, you know, I just. I

love it. And I think that's. That's what life is, right?

Yeah. And it's a. Pottery is like, an example

of resilience. What's the.

What's the best piece you've made? What's your most. Sorry. Not the best. Well, maybe

it's the best. What's your most favorite piece you've made? I

guess it's the piece that I'm making now. Oh, okay. So I've been

trying to figure out my,

my theme of what I want, of how I want to build things,

what's the pattern that I want. And it, what's come keeps

coming back is nature that I want nature in everything

that I do. So I'm building this bowl. It can be

a salad bowl or a fruit bowl. And

all around the bowl are flower petals.

Flower petals all the way around. And I will paint that versus

put, put glaze on it. And I,

it's like, this is it. I'm going to start with flowers, then I'll

incorporate leaves, I'll do

wood patterns. It's just really starting to

surface. And when I did this, when I'm, I'm working on it now, it's like,

you know, I'm gonna do a whole set of

bowls that are all different flowers.

And this one is going to be sunflowers, the next one's going to be roses,

next one's going to be whatever. And it's just going to bring

in nature into my clay. And I'm really excited about

this. It's, it's a complicated piece. It's bigger, it's

heavier, and I get to paint it. So

I'm, I'm really excited. It's going to bring everything that I've learned so

far to fruition in this piece.

I love it. It's amazing. I so cool. I

can't wait to see that. And by the time this episode airs, maybe you're going

to be onto your fourth bowl. Who knows? So

if, if you're listening and you're like, I want some more Pat in my life.

All of her links are in the show notes. She has a free gift for

you which is a free e guide 7 Self Care Habits for the

amazing woman. She is absolutely amazing. She has survived breast

cancer twice. Very smart woman.

I invite you to dive into the world of Pat.

And before we wrap up today, what advice?

Now that you've had breast cancer twice, what advice do you have

for someone who's being diagnosed with breast cancer? The first time.

You are in control of your whole story.

You get to write the chapter of what

this breast cancer experience is going to look like. And you

are always at choice

in your journey. Beautiful.

You are in control of what you can control.

Yes. You have choice. Absolutely.

It's beautiful advice. That's beautiful advice. And it's actually I find

it like that's applicable to a lot of our circumstances, but

you're amazing. Thank you so much for being a guest with us on Resilient

af. Lara, thank you for the opportunity to

share my story and impacted even just one woman who may

now be listening to it and finds herself in this situation.

And I'm excited on the journey about the book and New

York and the whole thing. Yeah. So, yeah, the book's

of Resilience, Volume 2. You can read Pat's story there along with many other

inspiring stories to all of our listeners. Thank you for tuning

in to another episode of Resilient af. Remember, you

can get through it. You have a choice. Put

one foot in front of the other. You're not alone. We can actually be

there for you. You can reach out to us. We will help you. Let us

be that lighthouse in the storm. It's okay to not be

okay. You will get through it, my friends, because you are

Resilient af.