The Mystical Relationship Between Numbers and Events with Adrienne Harris | 040

Did he know he was having an emotional affair? I don't think

so. So when we take a look at relationships, I don't know if you've ever

done any research, research on attachment styles, but he

is an avoidant attachment style and he also

is an energetic code six. And

Sixes do not like conflict. And so

he never came to me and talked to me about the things that he was

unhappy with. And you know, I'm very

masculine in my energy and one thing led to the next

and it just led to this disconnect between

us. And this is why I focus on values,

vision and lifestyle because we lived a healthy lifestyle,

but our values and our visions no longer lined up after all of those

years. Welcome back to another episode of

Resilient AF with Blair and Alana, but just Blair

today and Adrian Harris. Do you still go by

Harris? I still do, yes. Oh yes. So we're going

to get into why I asked her that question in a minute. So Adrian Harris

has alchemized her personal journey of transcending challenging

relationships into a soul driven mission. Empowering

others to release limiting patterns within their energetic code and

embrace relationships of depth and fulfillment. With over

20 years of experience in customer service and entrepreneurship,

Adrienne recognized the profound need for compassionate, heart

centered approach to understanding our connections with others. This

realization ignited her calling as a relationship

coach, particularly for those navigating the transformative

paths of midlife. She's a devoted mother who lives

in the Okanagan Valley in British Columbia. She's deeply committed to

inspiring others to cultivate self awareness and align with their values, vision and

lifestyle rooted in their unique energetic blueprint. Her

gift lies in weaving practical wisdom

with real life insight, establishing her as a trusted spiritual

guide and inspirational speaker who leads conscious midlife

seekers towards authentic relationships and soulful well being.

Welcome to the pod. Thank you for having me.

So where do we begin? I just want to say like I met

Adrian in Kamloops. I feel like you and I met

on the. How did we meet? Was it the Internet? No.

So I think I was. Went to the chamber of commerce.

Oh, right. Connection through the Chamber of commerce, said you should connect with Blair

and so I reached out to you and yeah. We had coffee and.

And then I went to a networking thing and you were there and

it was great. And then we developed a friendship and then you moved away.

Yes, there's a reason that I moved away. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're going to talk about, about your journey and

you know, I guess the, the key moments that led to you where you are

today being, you know, a relationship coach, helping those

in midlife from a spiritual sense.

And I guess this journey probably started well before this

pivotal moment. But we're going to talk about how you learned

that your husband was having an emotional affair. Yeah.

With his running coach. And is it. Is it fair to say ex husband?

It is fair to say ex husband now, yes. Yeah. You

know what, to be honest with you, I remember

that moment in time when he and I had an

argument. So we never argued. We were together for,

gosh, well, in the end, 28 years. But I

remember when this individual came into our lives, and I remember

having a heated discussion with him, saying,

you know, I just don't trust this connection. And he was like,

no, you're saying you don't trust me? And I'm like, no, no, I don't. I

don't trust her. And he slowly be

kind of came her second husband. And

so he was showing up in odd ways, doing things for her,

kind of jumping in and being her business partner, but not really getting

paid. And it was just. It was a series of events. So it

wasn't just big one, big aha. It was finally,

I was just researching things, and all of a sudden

it came up to me. And I'm a firm believer, universe gives us what we

need. And it was information on an emotional affair. So I started to

do some research, and lo and behold, my husband at the

time ticked off all of the boxes. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, my gosh. Wait, what were some of

those things? So he was texting her behind my

back. He was meeting with her

and lying about it. He was doing things

for her that a husband would do, kind of thing.

He was going to her house. He was helping out with things. And he

was also being an emotional partner.

So that's what an emotional affair is, is because you're talking

to someone on a more intimate level. And so all of

these were massive red flags. And I

kind of got tired of being the third wheel. Yeah.

So did he. Did he know he was having an emotional affair?

I don't think so. So when we take a look at relationships, I don't know

if you've ever done any research, research on attachment styles,

but he is an avoidant attachment style. And he

also is an energetic code. Six and

Sixes do not like conflict. And so

he never came to me and talked to me about the things that he was

unhappy with. And, you

know, I'm very masculine in my energy, and

one thing led to the next. And it just led to this

disconnect between us. And this is why I focus

on values, vision, and lifestyle, because we lived a

healthy lifestyle, but our values and our visions no longer lined up after

all of those years.

So when you had this realization,

what did you do next? You know what?

I. Oh, gosh.

So I think the pandemic kind of pushed us apart as well, too.

And we just got on two different pages, and that was very

difficult because you would think that your partner of that

many years would be on the same page. And. And we

weren'. And so I decided to

do a separation. So we actually moved into the spare

bedroom. And I thought, you know, me

coming. Him coming home and all of my stuff being taken out of the

master bedroom would have been a, hey, honey, let's talk about

this. But he didn't. He didn't talk to me at all. There

was no, hey, I think we should work on this. Hey, I see you

moved all your stuff out of the master bedroom. None of it.

None of that. And I just kind of knew right then and there

that we weren't on the same page.

And so eventually I moved into the basement suite,

and because we had a student living down there, and

I tried to coexist with him in the space

because we have a. You know, our son is 21 now, and

so I tried to make things work, but we

just. We just grew apart. And he didn't want to get

counseling. There was no, you know,

again, there was no conflict resolution, which I teach couples about.

And it was really sad because he just didn't want to work on

the marriage anymore. He was done. So I

decided to leave. Yeah. Did. Did you, like. Did you

have to initiate that conversation with him? Absolutely, yes.

Because he's super avoidant and doesn't like conflict. There

was just a lot of me. I mean, we did get into

conversation a few times, but, you know, it's very

uncomfortable conversation with your husband when

he's had a relationship with

someone that, you know. And it was, you

know, we. We. We did bring things up in conversation, but they were not. There

was never a resolution. And it was really unfortunate.

Was my best friend. And that was probably one of the hardest things I ever

had to do, was leave my best friend. That's so

heartbreaking. I'm sorry. That's hard. There's so many

layers of hard and sad in there. Oh, it was

so hard. And it was really hard to choose myself.

It was really hard to tell our teenage son

that I needed to leave and that I needed to choose

myself and that my husband didn't have my best interests at heart.

Yeah, I can't even imagine. No.

So when you decided to leave him,

like, part ways, leave the house, what was life like

for you then? You know what? I was still

coexisting and. And I was very forthright about

things. I ended up going into counseling. I've been to

counseling on and off for 28 years because I was actually

sexually molested as a child. So I brough to the

relationship, my CPTSD, which I got

help for, for since I was 23.

And so I instantly got a counselor, started to

talk to her, and she was just like, you know, you know, all of this

stuff and so on and so forth. And so I got counseling, I got help,

I talked to somebody, and I was kind of like, you know what?

I'm. I'm ready to just move on. And so. Oh, my

gosh. Dating in your midlife? I don't wish it upon anybody.

Oh, my gosh, you know what? I. I don't know if I'm

considered midlife and I'm married, but

sometimes I'm in one of those Facebook groups. I'm not going

to say which one, but it's like, are we dating the same guy? Just because

someone told me that it's really interesting. And so. And

they added me. And so. Oh my gosh, it's a minefield out

there with like, social media and all the access to

information and like, it's also a gift because then we can learn if someone isn't.

But how do you. How did you. How do you navigate the dating world in

midlife? How do you navigate new relationships? Your relationship

coach for midlife? Like, let's talk, let's talk about that because, I mean,

I think you've, you know, it's fair to say that you've had

at least a relationship since. Since your

marriage. Yeah, so. So I actually. So

the reason that you met me in Kamloops is because I actually met a guy

who lived in Kamloops. So I ended up,

you know, getting in a relationship with him. My girlfriends were like, oh, you know,

get on the apps and so on and so forth. And, you know, I

looked at all ranges of men anywhere from

like 36 to like 55. And

I did meet some young guys. And it's kind of weird how young guys have

a fetish for older, mature women. And I

realized that that wasn't my thing. And. And then I ended up meeting someone

from Kamloops and there were a few red

flags. But I didn't even know what red flags were in the beginning.

And. And then I also didn't know what catfishing meant. And I also didn't

know what breadcrumbing meant. And I didn't know all of these modern.

Wait, wait, wait, what's breadcrumbing like? Like,

what's breadcrumbing? So breadcrumbing is when they just keep you

interested enough, enough, but don't actually give

you their full selves. So they breadcrumbs. So they throw little

crumbs to. Then you, you

know, you chase after it because you're, you're wanting to be

seen and valued. And so this is why

I do what I do. Because I love, like

supporting people and educating them on this stage of your life. Because

it's totally different at this stage, to be honest with you. I think if I

were to try to help my 21 year old navigate the dating scene, it would

be totally different. But for those people in their midlife,

because we've had long term relationships or we've

had marri or whatever it is that

we bring with us, there's a lot of stuff that goes on to it. And

also right now we have so much education on who we are. We have

attachment styles, we have love languages, we have energetic codes,

we have all of these types of things. And

while I was dating this guy, I was actually

becoming a certified numerologist.

And so I'm extremely intuitive person. And I

ran our numbers and I was like, we are not meant to be together.

And he was like, oh, you believe, you don't believe in that mumbo jumbo, do

you? And I was just like, yeah, I do. And it

just, it just served itself over and over again. So, long

story short, I moved to Kamloops to be with him.

He had a younger child, which again,

wasn't in alignment with me. And I just kind of

settled for whatever. And this

is the biggest, I don't want to say it was a mistake, but it

actually led me to do what I'm doing today because

it was an unhealthy trauma bond. And so if anyone who knows what

trauma bonds are, trauma bonds are going into a

relationship with, with pain. And so

I took a pattern of behavior into that relationship that I had

in my past relationship. And I didn't know that until

I actually understand my own energetic cod.

And so he and I broke up last summer. And

it's so funny because a memory came up on Facebook the other day

and it was me moving into my new place this time

last year. So I don't. A lot of people don't know, but last

summer I actually lived out of my truck. I literally

had 200 to my name, and I was literally bouncing

from spare bedroom to spare bedroom trying to figure out what I was going to

do with my life. So we want to talk about resilience.

Wow. I had no idea. Thank you. Thank. First of all, thank you for

sharing all of that and what you just shared now. I mean,

you lived out of your truck and you, you know, we're trying to figure out

what you wanted to do with your life. So what did you figure out? Because

I'm sure life is very different now than it was last year.

Let's. Let's talk about it. Yeah, it's totally different.

So I, again, I sought counseling

and I got amazing counselor and she and I were discussing and she

said, well, it sounds like you don't ask to have your needs to be met.

And I was like, are you kidding me? I've been going to counseling

for 20 some odd years of my life and I don't ask to have my

needs to be met. So I messaged the ex boyfriend and said, I want to

get paid for my furniture that I left. And I messaged my ex husband

and said, I want you to. I want you to pay

me for like, pay me for spousal support because I never asked for

it. And I got things sorted out.

And lo and behold, I always say the universe helps us out

the most when we need it. Got a phone call from my,

from my mom, and her and I aren't very close. We have a very strange

relationship due to my childhood. And

she loaned me money so that I could get back on my feet.

And yeah, I ended up putting my name on a

Facebook forum looking for a place to rent because I knew I wanted

to be. Be back in Vernon because I was, you know, I was like, hey,

universe, you know what if I meant to stay in Kamloops, give me a place

to stay, give me a job or, you know, or give

me something. And nothing came about. And so I took

action in a different way, put myself on that forum. I

had a wonderful lady message me from Oyama. I

lived in her suite in her house in

Oyama, and it was in her airbare Airbnb suite for six

months. And it was the most beautiful overlooked looked Wood

Lake. I just like literally went from rock

bottom living out of my truck to

like having stability back in my life and,

and rebuilding myself. So, yeah, like,

honestly. And I knew I was down the

path of. I was already coaching people in the

lifestyle and wellness sort of department

because I had gotten really sick previous to that with my

old company. And so I really leaned

in and I was like, oh, you know, like, the relationship I have with

myself is the most important one. And

so I just really leaned into that and I used my

numerology to help me guide myself down that path.

So. Yeah. Yeah. That's really beautiful. And I love that you went from

rock bottom to lakefront. Yeah. No kidding.

Yeah. And I was actually, as you're. You're talking, I was thinking about, you

know, all these external relationships you had and then, like, the relationship with

money. But really, would you say one of the most.

Or maybe the most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself?

Absolutely, Absolutely. And that's what I teach and that's what

I coach my clients is because until you have

that self love, that self worth, that self belief,

then you can't have that self growth. Yeah.

Like in it's. And. And a lot of people don't realize that because

we. I know for myself and. And for my ex

husband, he sought his value outside of our

marriage, and that was really sad

because our value should come from within.

Right. So did you go back and do

the numerology with your hus. Your ex husband? Oh, I've looked at our

charts, believe me. Yes, You've looked at all the charts.

You've. You've looked at my charts? I've looked at your chart, too. Yeah. So

I have the ability to see the cosmic connections,

and I love the system that I work with because

it can really help me guide people. It's

not a. A be all and end all, because we also have

our, you know, where we grew up, our demograph,

our communities, our religions, all

of these other things that help color our fabric.

And so our energetic code is just one way

for us to understand ourselves on a soul level.

Yeah, Yeah. I think that's. That's a really beautiful gift. And, like, I am super

fascinated. Like, I'm sort of like, newer to the numerology

when it comes to numbers. Like, I see 888 everywhere. Eight's my lucky number.

Our goal is to empower 888 million people to strengthen their

the 8th of the 8th. Like, 8th's my number, but

it's. So I'm kind of new to that. But I'm very much like, I know

my Myers Briggs and my human design and, you know, I feel

like all these pieces work together and it's all very fascinating. And what I

think is really cool is that you have a free gift for everyone. It's the

links in the show notes about numerology and relationships. And if

people want to work with you, your links are also in the show notes for

social and the they can get in touch. And I'm so excited because your story

is going to be featured in our next book which is out January

2025. Resilient AF Stories of Resilience,

Volume 2. And you know, I, you know, I think

you showing up and sharing your story is a gift, especially

because you're of your honesty and you know,

not everyone is open to talking about

learning about affairs. Yeah.

And I, I feel like

you've really stepped into owning that's,

that's the situation that happened and how you've taken those lessons

and, and learned from it, but also built this career around

relationships. Yeah, it's part of my energetic

code. So I'm a master 11 2. And I'm all about

connection. And so, and, and I'm all about

relationships. I'm even a strengths coach

and I, I have six relationship building

strengths in my top 10. So I am meant to make

these relationships with people. And so when I really looked

at my strengths and just sort of when I needed to pivot,

that's what I really leaned upon because

I wouldn't be great at data entry or I wouldn't be really

great at, you know, doing a lot

of other things. Like I literally leaned into my own.

And, and that's why I do what I do because

I believe that I have the skill sets and the experience

to be able to help people. And I do. I love it. I co coach

multiple people on a weekly basis and, and I help

them transform because it is a

transformation, especially in our midlife. Have you heard about the midlife crisis that's

going on in the world? Yes, I've already had mine. I went to Africa

and opened a children's center for at risk youth.

Exactly. And so we go through these transitional times in

our life and I'm here to help people with that.

And, and the main thing is too is, is that we all want to

be in relationships. And so really it's just understanding who we

are so that we can just show up and be our authentic self.

I love that. And you know, if, if you're listening to this and you're like,

I don't even know who I am or you want to even start with the

relationship with yourself, you know, reach out to, to Adrian.

So as we. What advice do you have

for someone who maybe

suspects or is just realizing after listening to

you that they're potentially in a relationship where someone's having

an emotional affair? Yeah, you

know what? I'm, I'm actually working with a couple of couples right now, and I

really reach out and, and, and just talk

to a counselor or a coach or something like that. That's one of the things

that I love about being a coach, is that I'm the bridge between

help and a counselor because I don't

see things. I don't take one side or another. I

come from a, you know, a generally

overview of both parties. And

yeah, I dive deep into the charts and we figure out

where that disconnect is, because there's always a disconnect. There's always

something that has been pivotal. And then I

always with my clients, it's your own free will on what you choose to

decide. So, yeah, I, I do recommend

getting help, and I wish that I knew the things that I knew

now because I may not have gotten divorced and

left my best friend. So. Yeah. Okay,

bonus question. Yeah. Is there a way

for you to have a relationship with your ex husband as just a best friend?

Considering my ex husband is dating one of my

old best friends from Whistler. Not at the moment.

Yeah, but we chose to, so we

chose to split amicably. We have a son, and

my husband knew that I had a lot of trauma growing up, and

I did not want our son to have trauma

based upon our divorce and our splitting up of our relationship.

So we decided to be amicable and not

argue and fight and split. And we actually went into the courthouse together

to sign our documents right in front of the notary. You know what?

Maybe one day your friendship can re emerge. But

yeah, you never know. I mean, with all the work that you're doing in the

space of relationships, your paths may,

you know, who knows? Who knows? Yeah,

I do, I do have hope for later on in life that we can be.

Because our son is 21 right now. And, you know,

I know that he's possibly gonna want to have a family and, and,

and, and, and I don't want there to be this push and pull between

us. I definitely want there to be peace and harmony and

amicability between us. I love that. Having a harmonious

relationship with your ex sounds like an

ideal way to co parent, co grandparent.

Yeah. You know, and so I, I, I hope that happens for you.

And I mean, I, I think it's so beautiful where you're at

with the growth in understanding relationships

and helping others navigate their challenges. So I, I,

yeah, that's amazing. Do you have any final words you'd like to share?

You know what the one thing that I've really loved about this process is, is

that I've now been in a 10 month relationship. That's

really healthy. And I've applied all of the things that

I've learned and known into my own relationship now.

And so I, I just want people to know that

we're human and that we want connection and we want to just

show up authentically. So if you don't know how to do that, then reach out

to me. That's beautiful. And congratulations. Ten

months, that's awesome. I see you posting with him. I was like, is that, is

that her boyfriend? It is. Yeah. I love

that. So thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and

your experience with our listeners and with me and with

our community. And I'm so grateful for you. Yeah, thank you

so much, Blair. I'm excited to be in this book. And to those

of you who have tuned in, thank you for spending time with me and

Adrian. Just know that life's full of ups and

downs, lefts and rights. Sometimes a U turn, sometimes

a little backwards, sometimes a lot forwards. But it's not all

sunshine and rainbow. Sometimes it's really sticky and hard. And know that

you will get through it. You have to put one foot in front of the

other. You are not alone. You have support from

people like Adrian, like myself, like our community, the Global

Resilience Project. It is okay to not be okay.

We are that lighthouse in the storm for you. And just remember, friends,

you are resilient, afraid.