Staying Connected to the Dead | 002

It's the idea that the grieving is a process of modifying a

relationship with a person who has died rather than releasing

that bond altogether. So it's about holding on to the person who's no longer

with us in the physical sense. And this can be through items,

rituals, behaviors, things that we do. And Alana and I

literally dove into this world, the continuing

bond, like, right after mom died.

Some stuff Alana and I have done together, some stuff we do separately. And I

I just I think this can be a really beautiful conversation about

how do we continue holding on to that relationship with mom and with dad

and anyone else that has gone, you know,

into, you know, while we still walk this earth. Welcome

back to another episode of Resilient AF. It's me,

Blair. Hi. And it's me, Alana.

Oh, it's us. It's us. My outfit's a little ridiculous today. I'm,

like, covered it on paint and bruises

and cuts, and I blame it on Concerta.

Blame it on hashtag Concerta. So

I've been on, like, ADHD meds now for a month. And,

like, the last I guess, like, not last weekend, but the couple weekends

leading up to this weekend, like, I've I've had things

to do, meaning, like, closing up our summer spot at the

lake to winterize it, work, like, what getting

ready for my TED Talk, but the last 2 weekends I've been at home. And,

like, normally, this time of year, it's like I'm depressed, which I still am. And

I, like, can't get off the couch. And what I realized is that Conserva

has given me back the energy that ADHD has taken from me. And that, like,

I'm no longer in this, like, functional freeze. I don't know what the term is.

But last weekend, I, like,

I aggressively cleaned, like, our little area. Like, we have a TV

in the basement. I cleaned that entire area and, like, organized my, like,

basement gym area and made the decision that I was gonna do some

lipstick reno's. And then, like, yesterday, I went really hard. When I

say really hard, I mean really hard. Like, 4 hours of, like,

cleaning and painting and taping and priming and all the things not in that

order. And, like, it's interesting because I've actually never

really seen this version of me. Like, this energized version where

I don't feel like all I can do is lie on the couch because I've

been masking all week. And it's actually really

refreshing, except for, like, I got really ambitious yesterday, and I was

trying to paint an area. And I didn't do things in the right order because

I'm chaotic. And, I went to, like, knee stand

on my knees on a shelf, and the shelf gave out, and I fell, like,

2 and a half feet and, like, really badly hurt myself and ended up going

to the ER. I'm fine. I'm not broken, but who would have thought

painting a bathroom in the basement to look less murdery and more zen would,

land you in the ER. But it anyways, I was just thinking about, like, would

I be doing this without concern? And I'm pretty sure the answer is, heck no.

No. And it's interesting that you say, like, what ADHD took

from you. And and that's an interesting way to frame it. I don't know if

I would frame it that way. I think because I'm not you,

and I witness the other parts of you where you

are on and masking and whatnot. So I've I've I've seen

this maybe not to this extent. No.

Like, I never did this extent. No. But I I've definitely

seen, like, you get passionate, but with that ADHD, like,

burnout where it's like you get passionate and then

you stop, or you get distracted with another passion Yeah. And then

another passion. And so this is the first time I've

seen you. I wanna say Focus? Yeah. Focused.

Like but focused for because you you

have been focused before, but this is, like, focused to the

extreme, like, 10 hours of focus. I don't think I've ever seen that. Well,

yeah. Like, I'm really good at the, like, masking hyperfocus when I have a

deadline, but this is there's no deadline. I just want the bathroom to be, like,

the more zen. But even so even so with your

masking hyperfocus, it's like you would do it, and then you would take a break

in watch housewives. And then you would do it, but this one, it's like, no.

No. No. You went hard. You had only stopped because you had to

waste your time. I stopped. No. I stopped because I fell through a

shelf. Right. That. I fell through a shelf, and then my knees swelled up, and

I thought I was gonna barf. And then you told me I should go to

the ER, so I did. And I was gonna shout out that? Shout out

to the Kamloops Hospital ER department. Saturday night on

Halloween, I was expecting, I mean, this was evening, but it was a Saturday

before Halloween. I was expecting to walk into people in costumes, and it'd be really

like, basically be really busy. And I'm like, I was

expecting, like, a 5, 6 hour wait. I was in and out in, like, an

hour and a half, and that was with, you know, triage, X rays,

seeing the doctor. Like, the doctor yeah. Anyways, he's just like, it's very badly bruised.

Like, you need to stay off of it. Well, the reason why I encouraged

Blair to go to the ER is because she wanted to show

me what she had accomplished on FaceTime,

and she couldn't walk down the stairs or up. She had to use her

bum to get up. Yeah. Anyways, I went to the doctor. I'm glad I did.

No one was in costumes, which was very disappointing, but they just opened a new

ER department, and I think it's been, like, a couple days. So it felt really

clean and fresh. And so shout out to to the

doctors in Kamloops hospital and the ER department. I got paint in my

hair. Look at that. And, the other thing I wanna say is

about the Concerta. And I'm trying to do this on my own because if I

can do this a little lipstick reno on my own, meaning, like, I'm not renovating

extreme. I'm, like, painting and making it, like, not from the eighties and

more zen and more comfortable for me to have, like, relaxing

baths. If I can do this, then I can do other renovations in the

house, and we've lots to do. And I can't finish all the reno's, but I'm

learning. And so I thought, like, the bass the basement bathroom, like,

it's our 3rd bathroom, could be a good practice one. But Shane is

now helping me because Kyle lied. And Kyle, the manager at the Home

Depot, helped me pick out the floors, and he told

me the ones I got were really easy to use and really easy to cut

to the right size. But there's

Shane's struggling and I maybe the knife isn't sharp enough. I don't know. But he

he I guess, he wanted to he wanted to get me

started to make sure and to show me how to do it properly. Wouldn't

be mad if I, you know, all of a sudden it was done. But,

I'm learning that some things I like to do, like painting, and that I'm very

messy at it. And some things are harder, like well, I haven't tried

doing this yet, but Kyle lied. How's it been going with

you? Good. The

what have I been up to? Not any lipstick, Renaud. So I could tell you

that. No. You've been doing glit the the Yeah. The

diamond painting. I got back into it. I had a I had a phase earlier

this year, and I'm back into it. So I've made I think it's brought

you lots of joy. Well, what I love

about it is so what diamond painting is, for those who don't know,

it's essentially like you it's like this, like, repetitive thing.

It's like paint by numbers, but instead of paint, it's these colored

gems. And so I've made some bookmarks and coasters.

And what I love about this is

helps helps me really focus on audiobooks, and I love audiobooks.

And so I've been

powering through some right now, which has been

good for my mood because, yeah,

I've just needed a little bit of a mood booster more recently,

and it's helped, and it's fun. And so

that's I mean, no falling through shelves this weekend,

just Pilates and and diamond painting,

which is fantastic. And I watched

countless hours of TV, which is what I needed.

Yeah. You know, the decompression, well, when you,

like, work the work you do in palliative and hospice and, like, holding space

and the I don't actually know your day to day because we have to still

talk about that. And I think this is a good space to

do that, maybe another episode. But, you know, the ways that you decompress are always

changing. But if your body's, like, just lie on the couch and watch some TV

and do some diamond painting or listen to a book, like, do it. I mean,

I think that rest rest is when we're doing the real work. You know, we

need rest. And it's so interesting, because, like, I am that

person who likes to do that. But it's, like, I can't I can't sit it's,

like, all of a sudden, I'm rearranging my office. Like, today, in between the paints

drying, I paint layer paint drying, and I

had coffee with a friend, and then I vacuumed my car. And I

organized clothes I wanna sell and donate. And I'm, like, who

is this person? Where has she been? And, like but to me, it's,

like, I I realized resting was like I was in

buffer mode. Yeah. You know, buffering. But

sometimes, like, what you did was yeah. At, like, the wheel of death.

Yeah. But, like, sometimes, you know, you just feel like, okay. I need to catch

up on, like, all The Grey's Anatomy, And, like, that's

cool too. But I love that. And so today,

I was inspired about this topic through, doctor Claire Bidwell

Smith. I'm in a grief and loss training program. By the time this episode comes

out, I will be certified in this program in grief and

loss. But, we we talked about something that I didn't know there was a term

for it, but very relatable. And it's called the continuing bonds theory.

Alana, do you want me to explain what it is? Please do. It's

the idea that the grieving is a process of modifying a

relationship with a person who has died rather than

releasing that bond altogether. So it's about holding on to the person who's no

longer with us in the physical sense, and this can be through items,

rituals, behaviors, things that we do. And Alana and I

literally dove into this world, the continuing

bond, like, right after mom died.

Some stuff Alana and I have done together, some stuff we do separately. And I

I just I think this can be a really beautiful conversation about

how do we continue holding on to that relationship with mom and with dad and

anyone else that has gone, you know,

into, you know, while we still walk this earth.

Mhmm. And, yeah, I would say it's something even though

we didn't know this term until very recently. It is

something we have been doing since day 1, and

day 1 being February 23,

2021. And I took some

notes before this just because I was thinking of the different ways

that I hold on to these relationships. And, for me,

it's easier to think of things with our

mom rather than our dad just in the nature of our

relationship. And

it even makes me think so I'm gonna go on a little bit of a

tangent before we go into this topic more. Blair had sent

me this podcast episode earlier this week,

that Brene Brown released with her sisters, and they were

talking about the grief with their mom and the different ways

they experienced grief as their mom had, I believe, dementia or

Alzheimer's. But there was this

one, conversation that made me think of

me and Blair and our relationship together when it came to,

sentiment being sentimental because I would say

I'm I'm very sentimental and nostalgic

when it comes to our mom.

And Blair, maybe, I would

say is more practical

and, in relation

to our mom. And what what this, like, initially made me think

about when I think of the continued bonds is our childhood

home. So I didn't

really wanna sell the house, and I didn't even wanna have that

conversation, like, after mom died. But then when we decided we would

have to and we would have to clean up the house together

Clean up, like, as in pack up and clean it out. Yeah. Yeah.

We arranged to be in Winnipeg at the same time.

But then I had this, like, moment of, like, oh, but I'm not

ready yet. So I actually flew back to Winnipeg

because I was living in Toronto at the time to the house

for I think it was 2 weeks ahead of Blair. Did you? Just

yeah. I don't even remember. Yeah. Just so I like, and I was

working technically.

But I did that so I could look at

every little piece of paper and picture and decide what to

do with it because I knew as soon as Blair came in, she

would be like a tornado and be like, alright. What are we

throwing out? What are we doing? What are we doing? Like, come on. We gotta

go. We gotta go. We gotta move. And so I I was just thinking about

that podcast and and Brene Brown being the nonsentimental one

and her sisters being the more sentimental. And and Brene Brown is the

older one. So it it checks out because Blair is the older one

and has a different relationship with mom than I did. So

Well and that house signified a lot. Right? Like Mhmm. You know, mom mom

and dad split, and and we were living in a rental townhouse. And then

mom in her early thirties got, you know,

got to a point where she could afford to buy a house. And that house

signified freedom for me, you, and her, and, like, a really established

a sense of, like, independence. And you and I both had very different

experiences growing up. We're very different people, and that's not for this episode,

but could be a very good episode talking about that. But,

for me, obviously, the trauma was there losing mom,

and I was sitting with her for her last week and seeing her in her

bedroom. And, like, I just wanted to to get that house out of my life

by then because I watched her die in it. And,

like, I I'll never forget, like, when we were leaving, we got a picture of

us in front of Waterloo. And one of my friends, Pam, is an architect,

and she actually drew out a picture of Waterloo for me and for

Alana and put it in a frame. Mhmm. And it's really beautiful to have

that memory and, you know, I think, like, that's enough

for me. And I'm you know, there's a time and a place

to go down memory lane for the good stuff and the bad stuff. And, you

know, that house was full of treasures.

Full of treasures. Treasures and trauma. You know? Treasures and

trauma. We talk big t, little t, and other

t's. Yeah. But yeah. That so how do you hold on

to waterloo? Well,

I have that that picture that Blair was talking about

in my living space. And so I I see it every

morning. But in if I think of, like, the continued

bonds theory, like, obviously, that house is

no longer our house. I actually went in, and the new owner gave me a

tour recently. And Had a pile of bills that will not get

paid. Yeah. A pile of

mail. That's the reason I went and then she gave me a tour. But and

22. It's like, okay, she's dead.

But I think more of what's what was in the house

because, like, a house is a house. There's that song like a house is

not a home or a home, whatever. And so I think

of certain memories of my relationship

to mom within that house. And the first thing I

think of is mugs. And, actually, I was FaceTiming Blair this

morning using one of those mugs. So it was a

it's a branded So our mom was dental hygienist, and so

often, sale reps would go into her

work. And there was a gum like g

branded mug that I used when I lived

on Waterloo, but also anytime I came home to visit, that was like my

coffee mug. It's like I would drink it, rinse it out, and use it for

my whole visit. And so whenever I drink

from it, I think of of mom. That's a pretty

tangible tangible one. And then,

I mean, obviously, I have plant Sharon. Oh, yes. Plant

Sharon. The plant that would never die that Rhonda revived.

Yeah. It's probably older than Blair and I. This plant is old. Like,

basically dead and, like, we sort of started watering it after mom died and

it came back to life and we left it with a friend. Mhmm. And she

came to life and we named her plant Sharon after our mom. So

Rhonda fostered plant Sharon, and now I have plant Sharon right

next to me. You can't see you can't see her, but she's

thriving. So there's things like that that are, like, again, like,

the tangible tangible things. But then there's the, like, not so

tangible, like, music or certain

smells, that I hold on to. Like

sneeze? Sneeze, but also, like, some summer

sweat. Summer sweat and sneeze.

Take me right back. And just like,

like those types of like, it's like when I get a whiff of myself in

this summer, I'm like, oh, I smell like your mom.

That's good. Yeah. So those are, like, some things at the top of

my head, like music and TV and whatnot. Like, basically, I can find

anything and real make it relate to mom. And with dad

Wait. Hold on. You didn't talk about the most important thing. Oh, the tattoo.

So, like, literally, mom died in the height of COVID and, like, I mean, it

just happened so fast. Immediately, we're like, let's get her signature because her

handwriting's super pretty. Is your arm available to show?

Yeah. So, like, we so, basically, we found her passport, lifted up

the logo, and, like, got a tattoo artist to I don't know if it was

illegal because I don't know what the rules are at that point for COVID, but

she agreed to tattoo my mom our mom's signature on our, right

wrists. And, like, I love it because, like, when I'm writing, I see it. When

I'm I I like, it's it's very visible, and it feels like she's always with

us. Yeah. It feels like she's beautiful. Yeah. And it was

very impulsive for me because I this is my only

tattoo I have at this point. And it was

3 days after the funeral, I think. I think it was

February 20th. Yeah. It was very, very soon.

Like, mom was not even cold yet. We got her tattoo.

But yeah. So this is, like, a beautiful one because I look at it every

day, and I it's a nice reminder of just,

like, mom's always with us. And then, like, for dad, it's

just, like, more silly silly things, like Salisbury

House, like, the restaurant in Winnipeg.

Just, I this I just think of his, like,

last week watching the Super Bowl halftime show. Doctor Dre.

Doctor Dre. Like, I have, like, different types of memories.

And again, just, like, different relationship. And

so I I but there's, like, certain things. And, and actually a lot of my

new job, like, just what I've been learning in my job actually brings me

back to dad, not in a triggering way by any means.

Just, like, helps me understand because he was in palliative for

so long that it's like now I can understand all the

things that he he went through in a different way. Those are just some. I

mean, I could go all day, but Yeah. I won't. Yeah. That was

really beautiful, Lana. I love it. Thanks. That's good. That's

good for that. Sweat. So beautiful. Oh my god. I love it. So I'm I

don't I don't think of mum when I smell my own sweat,

but only when I smells when I do smell sneeze.

But, a couple other ways I wanna throw in that, like, I like, because what

you basically, there's certain things, like, I still I have some mugs from mom

and certain things, so it's very similar. Mhmm. But, also,

there's a rose bush called the rose of Sharon that actually isn't a rose bush.

It's called rose of Sharon. But, I have that at my house, and we planted

it when we moved in. And it's really beautiful, and, like, I got to watch

it flower, which I really loved. And knowing it's, like, right under my

office window is really special. And, yeah,

just other things. Like, I we never really

had to pay for, like, toothbrushes or floss, and you might still not have to

because you live in Winnipeg where mom's office is. But, like, you can always get

me to yeah. Every time I run out of floss or, like, I have to

go buy floss or tooth toothbrush, toothpaste, it's it's funny because, like, it

really makes me miss mom, but it's also, like, I am doing dental care. Like,

she will be so proud. Ah. With

dad, towards the end,

he thought he was at work. Like, he was living in palliative. He

had a computer set up, and he was convinced that, like, he was, like, working

a day at the office. And, you know, he had I remember he

had a list. Alana saw it on, you know, his whiteboard of, like, what he

need to buy, like, Gitch socks, like, I don't know, underwear, which is Gitch.

And any anyways, so when I when I got to Winnipeg and he was,

like, on his way out, he really like, he was just so convinced

that he needed some new socks, new sweatpants,

new hoodie, like, a bunch of stuff. So I went and got him. Like, I

went to Joe Fresh for you out there in America. It's like a

Target. Like, I went to Joe I went to Superstore, got some I got some

Joe Fresh socks, and I got a zip up gray hoodie. And I can't

remember what else I got, but we had to give them to the hospital to

label with his name. And we didn't get it back,

like, after he died or, like, the day like, it was already too late. Like

and so my dad never wore the hoodie, but I took it

home with me. So I wear it all the time. And, like, I put it

on to go to the gym, and I love it because it has, like, the

tag, like, with his, like, name and the room he was in.

And, also, I have a pair of a sweatpants. I don't wear them anymore. I

did in the beginning, but then I realized, like, I don't know if I wanna

wear his sweatpants. I have no idea what went on in there.

But I have them, and, like, if I'm really griefy for him, like,

I wear I wear the hoodie. But, also, he did not have many

belongings, and we actually found some stuff that belonged to him when we were packing

mom's house. And I have 2 items that mean a lot

to me that sit with me in my office. And when I

travel for work, I like to bring one of them with

me. So I have a we have a jeweler I have a jewelry loop, which

is like a little magnifying glass. He was a gemologist. And that just sits with

me in my office. And the other thing is a money clip. It's like a

gold monogrammed money clip with l I k, Leonard Ian

Kaplan. And I just found it just so interesting

because money was always such a, like

he didn't have any, but he had a lot and developed an addiction, and then

he had none. And all, like, the a lot of tension was around money

in, you know, our family and him not paying child support or mom

having to fight with him for money or, like, him not having any money. And

it's just so interesting that one of the things that one of the very few

things that was left behind in this earth that were his was a money

clip. And so I like to have it with me just to remind me about

the journey that we've been on. And, also, it feels like having a part of

the successful version of him because my brain is a lot like his, and

he was a very brilliant man, entrepreneur. And, you

know, unfortunately, drugs took him down and up

really high. Up. Up. Up. Literally

to the sky. Yeah. Like, when I travel, like, especially if I'm going to the

US and taking cash, which don't take cash to the US. No one takes

cash. But, yeah, it's nice to have that. But, yeah,

songs as well. Like, I actually just recently changed my ringtone to a Doctor.

Dre song. I didn't know you could still

change ringtones to songs. It for, 99¢.

You buy them? Yeah. That's so

2,005. Yeah. I mean, I I wanted, like

anyways, that's me singing. So so,

you know, and then, like, then there's things that we've done to create rituals. Right?

Like, I you know, what the first couple years, we were just

trying to survive. Mhmm. But our mom's birthday is January

17th. And I really liked what we did for her last

birthday, and we each got a dessert, and we put a candle in it, and

we FaceTimed, and we sang happy birthday to her. And I thought that was really,

like, a really beautiful way to honor her earth birth. Yeah.

And I I think I typically will order either Greek food, because

she loved Greek food or Santa Lucia, which was a restaurant her

near her work. They would always get it for her and and

Ginny's cake, this, like, Winnipeg cake.

And so I usually do that around her birthday too, which is

which is, like, a nice honoring because I'm sure she's

having Ginny's cake wherever she is. And it's moist.

And it's moist, and the cookie is fresh. And she's not gonna go

home and barf. That's what happened to me on my yeah.

And, and then, you know, like,

I think we didn't we don't really do much for dad's birthday. And I

don't know if we will this year, but I don't know. I don't I think

the way we honor mom is really beautiful, and also the way we

honor the day they left this earth. You know, we have something called grief

week. If you're new to here, we we'll give you a little rundown. If not,

like, grief week. It's a beautiful way to honor our parents. They died,

in the same week, but a year apart. February 18th, our father

left, died. Her mom died February 23rd.

And so Alana and I live in different parts of Canada, and February is usually

the coldest month. And so we made the decision, we're gonna be

warm and sad together instead of alone, cold, and sad.

And, we're going into our 3rd official grief week this

year. It's in February, obviously. We're not in February yet.

And we always we we're kinda trying to see what's right for us, and I

think it's gonna always maybe evolve and change depending on where we are at in

life and what we need. But, this year, we're gonna be going to Palm

Springs, which was one of the last it was the last family vacation we all

had together. And it's great because some of our mom's friends are there and family

and, like, it's we're at a point where, like, a lot of our friends and

our friends' kids are there. So it's it's nice, especially because I don't see

these people because I live in a different part of Canada than our mom's friends

and whatnot, but we both love Palm Springs. And so Mhmm.

I think, you know, yes, we're we're there while they

died, you know, but it it's a really beautiful time

to reflect about all the things that we loved about them. Like, this one restaurant

that's, like, a cruise ship on land and, like, they have, like, a cruise ship.

I forgot about that. And I'm excited to go there, but, yeah, like, our very

last time there with mom, like, me and her had a very big blowout.

And it was all about a It's because mom's friend texted

notification. It's because mom mom it's like

mom's friend, like, texted her, and she was getting her text on her Fitbit. And

she just, like, all of a sudden, like, while being present with Milana, like, would

disconnect and, like, go to her phone. I'm like, you can wait. Because, like,

her anxiety, like, she would have to respond to messages right away.

Yeah. Where I get mine from. And, yeah, she didn't

like that I asked her to not do that, and it became a fight. That's

fine. And I was in the middle of it. We only fought like that when

you were around. We never had blowouts

unless you were there. Well, I just It's okay. We set up you know,

that's why the the boundary was there where, like, if we went on vacation together,

I would not share a room with the both of you, only one of you.

Yeah. Oh, man. Life. That's

so funny. But yeah. And I think it's also kinda fun to think about,

like, some of the things that like, the shenanigans. Like, we were literally in this

middle of this restaurant for, like, a senior special dinner and, like It was, like,

4:30 PM. Yeah. We had this this fight.

That is just so silly. Anyways so, like, when we go to Palm Springs, there's

a really good chance that we're gonna go back to this restaurant because,

like, it just reminds us of mom.

Of of mom. Yeah. And, like,

Yeah. It's just, like That was the best Airbnb experience we had there

staying in 20 1 month. Good family trip. That was a great

family trip. And mom was like, I wanna come do this every year, and then

the pandemic happened, and then she died.

She wouldn't have made it to the next year trip even if there wasn't a

pandemic because she died. Yeah. But it was a great it was a

great trip. So, anyways yeah. So we

I mean, I think, like, there's lots of other ways, you know, some of the

other ways just to kind of wrap things up. When mom passed

away, she let us know where all the jewelry was that she inherited from her

grandma and from her mom and her stuff. And so Alana and I took

it, and since it was, you know,

heirloom and vintage, we actually melted down the gold and took diamonds,

and we remade jewelry with it. We have matching rings. And

I really love it because it's like we have something that we each

have that's part of mom and part of baba. And, you

know, I think it's really awesome that we have that. So jewelry is a

really great way, like, you know, wearing jewelry of those who are gone from us.

I know a lot of people, like, wear wedding bands, like, of like, their parents

or earrings that, you know, once was their mother's. Like, we have this one necklace.

I have this one necklace that I found one day when I was, like, a

kid, and it was mom's that she never wore. And she, like, bought it in

Israel, and I bought I was wearing it. And then one day, she's like, I

want it back. And then she wouldn't she, like, wore it all the time.

So when she died, I I now have it, but it's, like, kind of more

under my alter on display because, like, I don't want anything to happen to it.

But jewelry is the 2 balls. Yeah.

So, yeah, wearing clothes, wearing their jewelry, you know, that's another great way. Do

you have anything else you wanna add? Pictures.

Is Like, pictures, eating the food that she liked to

eat. Oh, animals, birds, like butterflies. When I

sometimes butterflies come around, and I feel like like

they're being sent from our parents, but not just butterflies,

eagles. I see a lot of eagles, and it's always when I need

to see them. Are we thinking about something specific or at looking for answers? And

so I'm very grateful where I live. There's lots of wildlife,

but eagles and birds. Interestingly,

just a quick little anecdote as we wrap up, but bringing it

back to the whole bill conversation we brought up, I

guess, somewhere in the house, there

was, like, something, but it was

like a note of mom. It was in this thing of, like, mom's writing,

like, numbers down. Like, I don't know where it was.

Maybe in the island because I I know she still has the island, but it

moved it to somewhere else. But I don't know

where she found it, but it was, like, my mom doing math

on a on, like, a real estate notepad sheet. You know? That's kind

of I I love that. I love that. That's amazing. You know, it's so

interesting. Actually, that's actually the perfect, like,

launch into the final thing I wanna talk about today. So

having some having a note from your parents or grandparents or someone that passed

away tattooed on you is a really beautiful way to honor them. And, you know,

Alana and I obviously have our mother's signature, but I also

got a message that I found on the back of a photo. And

the photo I'm winning an award in grade 5 for being a nice person, a

mench. And my mom was there and watched me win this award. And that's a

big deal because I wasn't I don't win awards, and I didn't win

awards. And she never took time off work. So she took time to come

and watch me win this award. And the picture is hilarious. I look super

dorky and, like, in grade 5. And, anyways,

I found this photo in the spring, and I FaceTimed Elena. And I

wanted to show her it, and I showed it to her. And I turned it

around. And on the back of the photo was a message that she wrote almost

30 years ago. And the message was in her writing, and it said, proud of

you. And I immediately cried, and I was, like, this is amazing. I felt her,

and I was, like, I'm gonna get it tattooed on my leg. And so I

got a tattooed on my leg because I was doing a hike, but, really, I

just need this message every day. That's really beautiful. And

every time I make a post on social media about it, people immediately share their

tattoos and the stories behind it. And so Alana and I decided

our next book well, we're gonna be working on 2 books at the same time.

So resilient AF stories of resilience volume 2 comes out in January

2025. But right now, we're accepting submissions for

resilient AF stories of resilience volume 3, but

also our new concept book, resilient AF

skin deep stories. We wanna

see we wanna showcase and see your tattoos

of resilience, your tattoo and the story behind

it. Because when we go through something

and we get something tattooed on us, there's usually a really beautiful story full of

lessons on there. And I know that, like, I love talking about my tattoos,

and a lot of people do too. So if you're interested in being in

either of these, if you don't have a tattoo with a story, that's completely fine.

We have resilient AF stories of resilience volume 3, but we

are accepting submissions also with your tattoos. And we

wanna showcase your story of resilience and, you know, it just I think a really

beautiful way to honor, you know, honor the

trials and tribulations that we are going through, that we've been through, that we will

be going through. And when we mark those significant times in our life

with ink, permanent ink, The world deserves to know the

story. Completely. I love it. Do you have anything else you wanna

throw in today, little sister? No. I'm

feeling good. Yeah. I'm feeling

well, thank you for tuning in to another episode of

Resilient AF. We appreciate you.

We appreciate your time. If you like this episode and you missed

our, you know, last one, please go back and have a little listen. We got

more coming out that come out every week. We're gonna be interviewing people

who have shared their stories in our community, people who will be sharing our stories,

and other mental health professionals. And so we got a lot of really great interviews

coming up. Remember, it is okay to not be okay.

You will bounce forward. You will get through it because you, my friend, are

resilient, a f.