Grief Week 2025 | 015

Welcome back to another episode of Resilient AF with Blair

and Alana, and this time, literally, with Blair and Alana.

Woo hoo hoo. Here I am. Here we are.

So today's date, the date this comes out is February

18. And, it is

the beginning of grief week. So today, we're gonna talk about

what the heck is grief week, the history of it, you know,

what leading up to grief month is like, what grief week lead the

lead up in prep is, and just how we're gonna be spending it. So

when you're listening to this, Alana and I are both mostly offline. But by offline,

you mean I probably would posting a lot of sad stuff on social media, like,

as I do. Yeah. But but before we dive into that,

like, we are in the middle of a book launch for resilient

AF, stories of resilience volume two, and we fucking did

it. Yeah. It was it was a

whirlwind. And it's we're still in it. We're still in the middle of it. So

The eye of the storm. So our very first book, the Global

if we're gonna do another book. Our dead mom came to me in a dream.

She was telling me how proud she was of me, so I woke up and

felt inspired. And we then said, okay. We're doing another book.

Resilient AF Stories of Resilience came out March

2024. And then ten months later, our third

anthology came out this past January, Resilient AF

Stories of Resilience volume two. And what I

like to say is as long as people wanna share their stories with us, we'll

keep putting out books. I mean, that's how I feel now, at

least. Yeah. I mean, hey. Why not? Like, I think

it's so important for people who wanna share their stories to be able to have

a platform to do so. Right. And every story gets published in the

book. We invite each author to our podcast. We share every story

on our website. We because we believe every story deserves to get told. Not everyone

can afford to buy a book because there is a higher cost to the printed

book because it's a full colored book. But we are

that safe space for people to share. And so this launch was unlike

anything I had ever done before. And just

like a recap of it, we decided we were gonna do a billboard in

Times Square in New York. And because I didn't wanna leave anyone out from the

first and second book, we decided to put all of our authors on the billboards.

And so between coordinating the right images for the

billboards, working with designers on the billboards, scheduling the time,

working with the billboard distribution company,

whatever they are, the the people who own the billboard. We

were also putting out a book, and we were hosting a brunch for whoever came

to New York, and it ended up feeling like a small wedding,

like Alana and I's first wedding. Congratulations. We are

sister and sister. I do. I do. It's

actually kinda funny. I'm just, like, thinking back to that conversation this summer where that

person who's known us their entire life asked if we were partners. That's

so funny. Anyways Partners for life. Yeah.

What do you mean partners? Like, partners for life, like sisters? Not

lesbian lovers. There's nothing wrong with that. Just we're sisters. And Partners by

blood. Yeah. And by twice. So, anyways,

so our billboard came out. So it

was it it started at midnight on the January

25, and it was going to air for three minutes,

on the thirteenth minute of every hour for twenty four hours.

And it was just so fucking cool because, like, we had

people come in from all over the world, like Mhmm. As

close as Long Island and Manhattan to as far as Dubai,

Spain, Mexico, all over North America. And, you know, my

mother-in-law joined us, which was such a treat. Our family, our great auntie Pam,

great uncle Benny, and our cousin Becky came. It was just so

special. And so the billboard, happening at

midnight, changing over. I said, Alana, I don't care what we do. We need to

stay up and be at the billboard for midnight thirteen because

I need to see this billboard. And we got to Times Square 10 Minutes

to midnight, three minutes to midnight, all of Times Square turns into a big

art exhibit, which was so magical because I heard about this, but I didn't know

what to expect. In fact, we were in line to get Krispy Kremes,

and then, like, they told us that everything was gonna shut down. And and I

was like, you did. We're gonna miss the billboard. Let's just leave. And so we

saw this art exhibit, and it just so happened that there was a convergence of

various authors also wanting to see the first display of our billboard.

And it was so beautiful. And I just was had this, like,

feeling of extreme proudness that we pulled it off. And Yeah.

I had confidence that we would, but, like, this was a very big undertaking.

On top of putting out a book, the billboard itself was its own thing.

And so, you know, the next day we arranged for our authors and a

photographer to come and get photos of the billboard and get content

and, you know, that was really cool to have

everyone together and it was just so beautiful and special. And what I

realized in hindsight is you didn't get a group photo, so I'm hoping there's

some great behind the scenes. And then the next day, we did a

brunch at the civilian hotel in the, Secret Garden Room. Beautiful old

hotel, historic, beautiful art installations. It was just

absolutely beautiful plated brunch where everyone came

together, to celebrate being resilient

AF and publishing this book. It also, you know, hit some number

one, best selling charts on Amazon. It was amazing. And

then from there, I went to Costa Rica to continue the book tour. I spoke

at an event, on top of a mountain in the jungle, outside of Santa

Teresa, and I fell in love with the area, the people. It was super

magical. And now we're getting ready to,

as we record this, to leave for grief week and then, handing out

copies of our book and resilient AF sweaters, at an

Oscars gifting lounge to celebrities and media. Mhmm.

And last year at this time, the book didn't come out. The book came out

right after grief week, and so we were last year on a cruise, and we

were working on the final touches of the book. And it was not the way

I wanted to spend grief week. So this year, I think the system is

good, and we're not working on the book at all. So

No? Alana, let's talk about maybe the history leading

into grief week going back to, like Mom's death? I think,

like, mom's the anniversary of mom's death and our plans to

spend it in Palm Springs and maybe go through all of that since,

a, you're a great storyteller, and, b, your memory is much sharper than mine will

ever be. Yeah. My memory is a blessing and a curse.

So our mom died, as you all know, because we we like to

mention it almost every time. But she died on

together was, the previous February

in Palm Springs, and our mom loved it there, and it was a

fantastic time. So we decided that we were going to book

an Airbnb for ourselves the following February on her

anniversary. So I think the dates were something like

the eighteenth to the twenty fifth.

And so we had literally booked this Airbnb

two months after mom died for the following year. It was all

paid for, whatnot. Fast forward eleven months,

and our dad starts declining.

And sure enough,

he actually died. Surprise. Actually, you all know that

too. He died the day we

were supposed to leave. So Wait. Hold on. Let's talk

about what the doctor, because the doctor knew we had this very trip to honor

him. Oh my gosh. This doctor. I have a lot. This

is a doctor not from the palliative program, just to be

clear. So the doctor

was like to me, you know, we can keep him

medicated to keep him alive so you can go on your trip. And I

had an immediate reaction, like, absolutely not. I told

Blair and was like, this isn't gonna be a yes. Like,

we'll just postpone if we need to postpone. It's not a big deal. Yeah. Like,

we were gonna keep our dad alive to go honor our dead mom and boss.

Like, there was just something so wrong about it. Yeah. Anyways,

so after our dad died a couple weeks later, we

ended up going to Palm Springs. And we had a lovely time, and I guess

that was, like, our unofficial grief week, not actually

during the time where we wanted to be there. But we had a lovely

time. And so we had made this pact that every

year between the two dates of our parents dying, so

February 18 and February 23, we would be together somewhere

warm. So then the following year was our first official grief

week. And that was an experience.

A lot was happening. Yeah. We we weren't I mean, we're better now.

I mean, I could speak, I think, for both of us. Yeah. But we were

not okay because the first official grief week would have been two year

anniversary of our mom dying and one year of our dad dying. And

so the eighteenth and the February 23. And so we thought, let's

go back to Palm Springs. We'll rent an Airbnb,

with a pool. And just, like, high level,

the weather wasn't what we wanted it to be. The Airbnb hosts

were crooks. We realized we need someone to,

like, take care of us to an extent in that sense of, like, making our

beds and, like, maybe feeding us. Yeah. And,

you know, it was just, like, really funny because, like, between those two two sad

days, we went to the happiest place on Earth. I've never been to Disneyland.

Yeah. And mom had promised us years every year, like, she would take us, and

she never did. So I felt very much like it was something I wanted to

do and, like, let's let's go to the happiest place on Earth where you

know, between the two saddest days on Earth. And Mhmm. That was an experience.

We had a lot of fun. I almost barfed. Space Mountain made me cry. Like,

I you know, the the traffic was crazy, but, like, we had a lot we

had a lot of fun. Didn't meet Cinderella. But I had a sing

along in the car that Blair did not appreciate. Well,

no. First, we would play songs, and Alana couldn't

help but sing. And so I would play the song again. I'm like, okay. Now

let's listen to it again without you singing, but you couldn't

help it. And, eventually, you got it, but then you would just dance, and that

was fine. We only argued once that trip, and that was because you wanted to

listen to Joseph and the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. And I was like, we are

not listening to Joseph. So It was such a good it's such a good

soundtrack. I listened to it the other day. Day. I wasn't craving it, I guess.

So anyways, at the end of that trip, we got in a little bit of

trouble for my Airbnb host. They accused us of smoking

inside. First of all, I've never had a cigarette in my life. Never. They they

accused us of us of staining the sheets. And, like, I may have

gotten some chocolate in the sheet, but chocolate comes out. And, like, there were some

other stuff. And Alana basically deleted her Airbnb

again. And she was like, I'm never ever using

Airbnb again. And so I said to Alana the things that I never thought would

I would say, which was we should maybe go on a cruise.

And I immediately booked one. Okay. So following year. It was

for our second official grief week last year, we did a cruise. And

so, of course, in grief week fashion, you know, we meet

somewhere warm. We get excited. This time, we have matching shirts, which I'm currently

wearing. Whoop whoop. Very nice. The montage collage of our

dead parents. You know, we get so excited to

just, like, be warm and, like, lie on the adult deck and, like, go to

the spa. Of course, it rained

every single day of our tropical vacation. And the one

day it didn't, we were where were we? Cayman Islands, Bahamas, somewhere.

Turks and Caicos. Like, we knew it'd be hot and there would be no clouds,

so we're like, let's go out at 8AM and, like, get a good spot. And

by eleven, we were, like, super sunburned and had to go inside. We

overdid it. We overdid it. Alana, like, you know, got her usual

pukies. Yeah. And but but it was really

good. It was it was good to be together. It was just, like, hilarious. And

so after that trip, we we thought, should we do a different cruise with less

people? And then we came back around to, okay. Why don't we

try Palm Springs again? Mhmm. This time, we'll

stay in a resort. And so we have the people making the

beds for us, and there is a restaurant. We have a food credit. Alana and

I, like, we're we're perfectly happy with Target, Trader Joe's, like yogurts

and fruit. Like, we're very, like, easy to please when it comes to

feeding us. Mhmm. And so

we are going to be, this time, trying to stay at, like, a resort. So

we're not getting our own place. It is not through Airbnb. We're sharing

a room. We're sharing a room. And then from from Palm Springs,

we're gonna be continuing the book launch tour. And so but

so, like, that's a hybrid. So right now, when you're listening to this, we are

on, officially day two, like, the first full day, which is

February 18, which is the day our dad died. And,

I I wanna talk about mom day and dad day in a second, but let's

talk about, like, what is life been like leading up to grief month? So

February is grief month for us. Mhmm. And, you know, I have other times in

the year that it's a shitty month. Like, November also sucks, but February sucks

the most. And usually leading up

to it, I'm, like, dreading it ahead of time. And this time, I felt like

I was so preoccupied with our book launch that February came, and I was

in Costa Rica. And I wasn't like, oh, grief month is here, which was such

a pleasant surprise in my brain, but somatically, my

body knew. Yeah. My body keeps the score.

What was it like for you leading up to grief month?

Well, the January was kind of rough, I would

say, for me. What's

the January? Yeah. I was

trialing different medications for some health stuff, and so that was, like,

impacting my my mood and my affect.

And so for me, grief month is

February, but it it trickles it starts to trickle around mom's

birthday, January 17, because,

essentially, what I do every year on her birthday is I'll have a piece

of Jeanie's cake, and then we'll Blair and I will

light a candle and sing happy birthday. But the reason

I do Jeanie's cake, which is this cake that is an acquired taste in

Winnipeg, that, my mom used to

have it every year on her birthday. And her last birthday alive, which was

only, like, a month essentially before she died, she said,

I'll have Jeanne's cake when I'm better. I'm not feeling like it right now.

And so it's my, like I feel like it's my duty and a way to

honor her on her birthday. Anyway, so it started trickle that to trickle

then. Then we had New York, so I was a bit distracted.

And then, yeah, February came, and the first

thing I noticed was my sleep, started

to get affected. I

really have been struggling falling asleep, staying asleep,

and I'm usually a pretty decent

sleeper and that, like, I can fall asleep with no issue.

So reflecting on that, that's what's been happening a lot

in my body. And just yeah. You

know? February, I'm a little bit more irritable, and,

Blair's nodding her head. Yeah. She probably had

we we had a little back and forth yesterday.

Horrifying. We're sisters. Yeah. Horrifying.

But, yeah, it's like I just noticed that, like, my mood changes, my

sleep changes. I find I'm wanting

more comfort foods. And then so I'm someone who's, like,

a little bit of an anxious traveler. Not actually once I'm

at the airport, but leading up to trips, I get very anxious.

And I noticed it weeks before

grief week this year, where usually it's like a two or two or three

days, but it's like, am I gonna forget things? Like,

just things that aren't rational. So that's how grief

week shows up for me in my body and my head.

Yeah. And I'm sorry that you go through that. And I you know, like, it's

interesting every year coming back and reflecting on it.

You know, I think also depends on, like, what else is happening in our life.

Right? So, like,

you know, I find the winter really lonely. And, yeah, I'm doing travel, and that's

been really helpful, doing some traveling and seeing you a lot. But I I find

winter very isolating and lonely, and, like, I I definitely struggle

when I'm here in Kamloops. So I

didn't notice anything till I got back from Costa Rica. And

it's it really kinda started with, like, somatically again, my

stomach. Like, my my stomach wasn't well. Like, I was having trouble, like, just my

stomach food just didn't sit well. And my anxiety

was has been worse than it normally is. But my

dreams are crazy and Oh, funny. Crazy dreams. And I've texted you

about a few of them. Okay. And I journal about them. And this last I'll

share one that I haven't journaled about because it's fine. But, like,

my dreams are always really vivid. And, like, my

Zeta our Zeta Jack came to visit me one dream and we

were he's passed away and my grandma, his wife, is still alive.

And, like, we were at their old house and it was just so it was

a very weird dream. The house was a mess. We were looking at slides. I

was, like, wondering where Baba was and he needed to get me home to River

Heights to our childhood home. And, like, he, like, eventually drove a taxi.

And I I thought that was weird because Zeta doesn't come to me very often

in dreams. And I've had a couple other dreams,

where mom's alive and she's healthy, but

dad is dying. And he physically is fine. Like, he's

not in his, like, wheelchair or, connected to oxygen, but he's, like,

in active addiction and, like, knows he's dying and running around being just, like,

chaotic human. And, like, I'm just, like, trying to find him and,

like, spend time with him, but he's would rather be

chaotic and, you know, do his nonfamily

duty fam familia? Familia? None not so

I don't know what the word is. He's just, like, not showing up as a

father. And so duty. Yeah. Familial

duty. I'm like, what's the word? And so a couple nights ago so

Shane Shane and I often, right now, sleep in

different rooms. He has sleep apnea and does not have a CPAP.

He had a test CPAP to see if it helped and it did. And

now he needs to get one, and it's, like, just kind of a process with

medical coverage. And so when he's home, during the week, I need him to sleep

in a different bedroom because I need my sleep. We have sleepovers on

weekends. And so last night, we had a sleepover, and I ended up on the

couch, of course. But so and I sleep talk. And,

like, when I'm with Alana and I sleep talk, she she's now in the habit

of, like, texting me when she wakes up because it's sometimes really funny.

Yeah. But I guess, like, I'm just a bit more active now leading up to

grief week. And I was having this crazy dream.

And the dream was this was two nights ago. And the dream was

so vivid, like, it felt like it was real. And then when mom was alive,

she was planning my fortieth birthday, which is in August, and we were on this

cruise. And it was a private cruise from post first stop was The

Caribbean. And it was all it was like this weird

eclectic ship of, like it felt like we were, like, at an old historic

home and, like, every room had a different theme. And, like, all my friends

were there, like, from my childhood and my current friends, and, like,

mom planned it. The Kardashians were there. It was very weird.

And and but the whole time, dad was running around in his active

addiction, and he was supposed to die the week we were gone. And I was

just really upset. And I just remember running, like, from room to room, checking in

on all my friends, making sure they saw all the private pools there were,

and I don't know. I but I I didn't remember this till

yesterday. But she Shane so we have two

cats, and Duffy is, like, our older cat. I like to say it's Shane's cat.

Like, it's it's our cat. It's Shane's cat. And, he

sleeps with Shane, and I guess he was sleeping on

Shane's stomach. And in in my Shane said this might have been around

3AM, but I screamed,

let go of me. And it

scared like, Shane Shane sleeps through everything, but scared Duffy

so bad. It woke Duffy jumped,

and Shane woke up. But it's funny because I

remember waking myself up yelling

like, looking at her phone and being so embarrassed. I'm like, what is

like, I knew I was yelling. I didn't know what I was saying, but I

woke myself up. So

that's been happening. Active dreams and

sleep yelling to the point where Gosh. Can't wait to see what I'm

in for in a couple days. I don't yeah. I mean, it's just funny because,

like, I thought I just grunted. And when I was yelling, I didn't realize I

yelled, let go of me really loud at 3AM.

So, like, my dreams have been really weird. Last night, Bob Saget was

in my dream. Oh. I don't know. He's never come to visit me. So hey,

Bob. In paradise, Bob. Oh, but yeah. And

so, like, somatically, like, obviously, like, your body remembers. And, And, like, for us, it's

like a doo double doozy because, like, coming up to mom's

anniversary, dad was dying. So it's like our body is was going

through, like, this extreme grief. Yes. I just

raised my finger for those who are listening. I

another thing I noticed this morning is, like, my eyes are

puffier again. And that, I

think, is something I noticed

looking back at my pictures from

have, like, this puffiness. And I woke up this morning, and I looked at my

eyes. I'm like, It's like my body's having, like, a physical

reaction to grief

week. Yeah. I can't really tell. So that's good. That's

good. But maybe in person when I see you in a couple days. I'll let

you know if you look puffy, I guess. But yeah. And,

like, I've just well, coming up to the Oscars, we're doing it a bit different

this time, and, you know, we've had to like, I've had to ship stuff, and

it's just, like, try I was trying to, like, figure out how to get a

hundred crewneck to LA from from Kamloops,

and I unpacked them all from boxes and tried to put them in suitcases. And

then I was like, this is not working. It was too chaotic, and

ended up, like, having to have Shane help me repack things, and I shipped them.

I thought it was gonna be thousands of dollars to ship, and it wasn't. Thank

god. But so now we just gotta hope they get there on time, and there's

probably gonna be a big duty charge. And I'm just ready for that because that's

what might happen. But, yeah, extra, like, extra layers of

stress. And I see everything as a learning opportunity when it comes to creating systems

and processes with our, you know, our flow in the business, but also

giving ourselves that space to, you know, take the time we need. Like,

yesterday, I was not in a good place. And I, before

dinner, took the time to have a candlelit bath at, like, 4PM. And, like, it

just kind of reset me, and I think that's okay if you need to do

that. So how are we spending mom day

and dad day? Dad day and mom day? Well

Well, I of all hold on. We we should start with we are gonna wear

the same matching shirts if you're watching the video. Mhmm.

But we're gonna change the four to a five, and I guess that's just what

we'll do every year because these are pretty awesome shirts. Yeah.

And we don't we don't need to create more stuff just to create more stuff.

Yeah. Well, what I think we're gonna do,

is if you're listening to this in the morning, we may currently

be at Andreas Canyon on a

hike. It's my it's mine and maybe Blair's, but it's definitely

my favorite hike in the Palm Springs area. It's,

like, maybe, like, two kilometers, not that long, but you kinda feel like

you're a dinosaur with all the, like

I don't know. It's cool. Alan Alanosaurus.

Alanosaurus rex. Blaraceratops.

Blaraceratops. That would make sense to be an Alanaceratops. Alanacer yeah.

Because my middle name is Sarah. Yeah. Alanaceratops and blaraceratops.

Yeah. Well, yeah. So there's a good chance that when you're listening to

this, we are hiking the canyon or we've just

finished. Yep. And then what else are we

doing? Well, we will probably be horizontal

by the pool

and maybe engage in some other

physical activity. But probably not. But probably

not. It's our it's always our best int attention intention.

But and then we'll probably eat and go to Trader Joe's and Target. You

know? Yeah. Or We won't. Or we won't.

But, you know, giving ourselves grace on those days is is great. And so

for for Monday on the twenty third

Mhmm. I I was looking, and where we're

staying has complimentary yoga for guests every morning. And

so, you know, maybe we start the day off with yoga then

a hike or a hike then yoga. Yeah. And then we have

dinner plans that night. We made a reservation. A friend of ours

so kindly, gave us a gift card for a

restaurant that she likes in Palm Springs, and, she was really

fond of our mom. And so I thought that would be a good day for

us to go for dinner. And then what we didn't share was we'll also be

just lying horizontal. Oh, yeah. Lying horizontal.

Yeah. And, actually, my other intention so there's a couple things for grief

week. I am starting to work on a proposal for us, like, a

prescriptive memoir, somewhat self help memoir. And,

if I feel I don't wanna feel like I have to, but if I feel

inspired, I want to definitely spend time writing. And I've

been really excited about it, so that might be a really great way for

me to spend time by the pool as well as reading. I'm in the middle

of a few really great books, and, I'm getting back

into arts and crafts. So we'll see what if I bring any

with me or not. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I

have to look for my crossword books. Yeah. Oh, Anna and I basically are

gonna be, like, golden girls. So so that's that's grief week. Our our

plan is to, do yoga,

probably go on a hike or a walk of sorts every day.

You know, we've been to Palm Springs multiple times, so we don't necessarily need to

go see the sites. We have, friends there.

Our mom's friends go there. We'll probably see people we know. For me,

it's like going home. Like, it's like a homecoming because there's a lot of people

I love from Winnipeg that are usually there. And it's just

a place for us to find stillness in whatever capacity

that looks like to Mhmm. Really honor our parents. And it's a

beautiful ritual, grief week. And we like to say it's like spring break for sad

people. And I think this is a great invitation that, you know, why not create

a ritual around the loss of someone you love? And it doesn't have to be

as extravagant as traveling to somewhere warm to be with your sibling,

but it could be. It's very nice. Highly recommend.

Not the parent dying part, but the Yeah. Going somewhere nice with your sibling.

Yeah. So on that note, is there anything else you wanna

share or update us on, Elani, Bernini?

No. I'm good.

Oh, you're funny. Okay. Well, you know, on that note,

we're gonna be, you know, showing up every Tuesday on this podcast.

We got some really cool guests coming up. If you're just discovering us now, go

back. Start it at episode one. If you wanna go really deep, we have another

podcast. We're not posting anymore on that one, but it's called Radical Resilience.

It kind of documents a fair amount of the journey that we've been on.

Mhmm. But I just wanna say to you,

Alana, I'm excited for our third official

Grief week. Fourth unofficial grief week. And I'm excited to see what a

homecoming to Palm Springs is like. Next year, we're talking about

potentially and, like, this isn't for sure, but there's a potential of us maybe doing

it in Costa Rica. Mhmm. And, you know, maybe Palm Springs shows up every

second year. Who knows? Or if that doesn't work out, we're back in Palm Springs.

We're just figuring it all out. And the goal is to be together

and warm. Yeah. Happy grief week, everyone.

Happy grief week, and thank you for tuning in to another episode of Resilient

AF with Blair and Alana. We do this, every week.

Sometimes it's just me and a guest. Sometimes it's me and Alana. Sometimes it's

well, that was the only two options. Sometimes it's me, Alana, and a

guest, which is also very exciting. You know, you wanna

check out any of our books. You can go to the globalresilienceproject.com.

Just remember, like, life is fucking hard, but it's also

beautiful. And, you know, there's the good and the bad, the sad,

the happy, everything in between, but you don't have to go through it

alone. We are here with you. We're here to walk through the hard

stuff with you, to hold your hand, to be in the thick of it with

you. You will get through it. Just put one foot in front of the

other, and just remember, you are resilient AF.