Living An Enriched Life with Simran Attili | 028

Were few relationships. I was not able to set clear

expectations because, a, you might have x amount of years of friendship,

and you're pouring into each other. There's so much energy, time, love

invested into each other. But then you also know sometimes people not be

in alignment with your life, and that's okay. You know, just kind of

realizing that, that was also an moment. And I remember reading that book that

year and applying those things, applying those concepts.

And when I when I did become very serious about,

you know, setting boundaries, I did lose some relationships, and it was

really sad because doesn't matter what

you do. Sometimes you, like you said, let them be. Right?

It's okay for people to see you for what they wanna see you, but not

for who you are, and that's okay. You know? It's totally

okay to choose yourself, to say, no.

This does not serve me, and we can meet here. But if it doesn't work

out, it's fine. We're all adults. Welcome

back to another episode of Resilient AF with Blair and

Alana. But today, Alana is not here. But I am here for

the both of us, and I am here with Simran. I,

it's funny. We just had this conversation. I wasn't recording. And I I was like,

how do you say your last name? And I guess, and it wasn't she's like,

you can call me that, but it's actually this. And I literally just this we

did this twice in a row, and I was like, just now, I'm like, okay.

In my head, Adelie. Right? Correct. Yes. And you

can also say Adelie. We're human, so we get it. Simra and

Attili. She's amazing. I was actually a guest on our podcast,

and she's the host of the Enrich podcast where her mission is to

inspire millions to become resilient, empowered, and authentically

themselves. And guess what? We are huge fans of that here

in the community. She is a passionate human.

She's very passionate about personal growth, mental wellness, and

dives deep into conversations and overcoming mental health challenges,

building resilience, creating fulfilling lives.

Through expert insights and practical advice on topics like wellness,

confidence, and self discovery, she guides her listeners to

break through limiting beliefs, embrace their strengths, and step into life's

purpose. And she know this all too well because she went

on a journey of her own. So before we dive in, I just wanna welcome

Simran. Hi. Hi, Blair. Thank you for having me here.

It's an honor. I love it. She's a fellow Canadian. We

both live on the Left Coast, West Coast. So it's

it's, and I actually recorded your episode in person. So I've actually

met you, which is Yes. Very exciting because I don't

actually, like, I sometimes I know guests. I know them ahead of time and

invite them on, but you and I had a really different path. And the fact

that we're, you know, with there's so much overlap in the work that we do.

I think it's really beautiful that we've, you know, been able to cocreate and

collaborate and having your story in resilient AF

stories of resilience volume two is huge, putting you up on a billboard celebrating

you and celebrating your journey of letting

go of the pressures of society and family obligations to

begin your journey of self discovery. And I'd I'd love for you to share your

story. Yeah. Thank you. First of all, I really wanna thank you

for creating this platform for people like myself and sharing your

stories. And what you're doing in the world, it's it's amazing.

So I'm always rooting for you. So thank you so much, Blair.

And your story is inspiring. We've actually met twice now in person. The first time

was at the Pursuit three sixty five event. Right. We've met twice in person. I

forgot. And my first time inspired. Yeah. That's a

you know what? And so Shelley Shelley, Lynn

Hughes, who is, like, the publisher of a book, pursuit pursuit three sixty five,

she put on this launch event last year Right. March

when right when, my last book came out, and that's where I was speaking and

I met you. And it's interest it's it's fun because we were all in New

York together. Yeah. That is amazing. No. It's cool. It's

cool. I love it. That is. Yeah. Thank you

for asking me, and thank you for bringing me on here.

I was asleep before that. It was a spiritual awakening that happened. It's

like my eyes opened up. And the way I was really going with

life, I knew this was not it. I

was feeling anxiety all the time. I was having

breakdowns at work, which was not normal, and,

there was just a lot of overwhelm in my life. And I

pivotal year of my life because I could

feel some uneasiness in my body, but I just

didn't know how to verbalize it or really

speak about it yet. And I don't remember. I've

always found comfort and

friendship with my books because I feel like I really connect with books. Like, I

felt very different when I would try to be vulnerable, and maybe people were not

mentally there yet, and that's okay. That's their own path and journey. But I felt

like I wanted to open up, but I wasn't really finding a safe place.

So I would put on my mask and be the happy simmering that everyone

expected me to be and just showing up at places. I couldn't say

no because a lot of people expected me to always be there, whether it's

friendships, work, family stuff, and a lot of things

were going on in my household. I would say,

like, my my parents' relationship is very,

I would say, different. It's it's it's

something it's, I'm trying to understand it. Like, my dad has

been away almost my whole life working. Work has been a priority for him,

but he's all always been such a great person, a mentor to

me. And so a lot of stuff that my mom was going through through

emotionally and then my dad separately and then my siblings,

it was really weighing down on me, and I didn't have a place to go

to and express myself. So I was always wearing a mask, and I

was always like, I'll be the strong person. So I

remember this one, and this happened to me a lot few times in

2018 where, I was not okay, but

I pretended to be okay. But then, you know, when universe

is nudging you, you're not listening, it just forces

you to just take your mask off, and that's what happened. It's like someone just

turned the tap on, and I was just bawling. I remember I was having a

panic attack this one night, and I was about to leave for, my friend's

birthday party. And I still went. This is a crazy part. I just pretended like

it's okay. Half an hour or forty

minutes before, I had full on makeup, and I was

already dressed up. And, I remember,

just I was just on my bathroom floor

crying because I just didn't know what was wrong with me. I was breathing

very loudly. I just didn't know what was happening. I couldn't express.

And, and then I also got into an argument with one of my family

members. It was just a lot happening. And I remember it was cold. It was,

I think, late November, early December, and I walked out of my house

with no jacket on. That's how hot I felt. That's how

overwhelmed I was. And I remember calling my boyfriend, now my husband,

and he's been super supportive. And I was in I told him what was happening,

and he's asking me, are you sure you wanna go? And I'm like, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm totally fine. I just need twenty minutes to myself. Just be there

with me. He's been very emotionally supportive, so I find very a lot of

safe place with him. So long story

short, I show up to this birthday party,

and I am greeting everyone. I'm, like, giggling. I just

forgot about what happened. At night, I

felt so inauthentic. And there was, like,

this voice back on my head that kept coming up. Who are you? What are

you doing? Why are you living like this? And

and and it also reminded me of a point of my life

earlier that year where I did not wanna be here. I

felt like I wanted to run away. I had so much grief. There was

so much going on. I didn't have a safe place yet to vent

to. So, I know I share about this part in the

Brazilian AF book, but, I just I I

remember walking down my town townhouse. Me and my mom were living together at that

time, and I just looked around and I was just like you can

call it dramatic now, but it felt like, you know, this is gonna be my

last time. Like, it's okay. I'm just gonna see how it is. I don't know

how I'm gonna do this. Like, I'm this this is very heavy for

me. My shoulders are very like, it would get tense. I felt like I was

carrying the weight of the world and my family. And,

especially if you're masking, you know, how heavy you can get. So,

and then I looked at my mom, and my mom wasn't

doing well. And, sorry, it makes me emotional, but

and I just had this voice in my head, the how can I do

this to my mom, you know, when she needs me?

I apologize. But

that was a pivotal moment in my life where, again,

I had to think about someone else. But that voice

came in my head, and I started asking a lot of questions. Who's gonna be

there for her? Who's gonna take care of her? And and then those

questions came back to me, and this was, like, my conversation

happening with the universe, god, source, you wanna call it. Just like

laying in bed that night and having a conversation with myself

about but are you taking care of yourself?

You have to be that person who's also pouring into yourself, and that's

why it's getting heavy for you. And that is where my journey

really began of just letting be, and I'm still work in

progress. I'm still working through it. But my intention has

been just to allow people be to themselves and be

vulnerable and creating that safe space. So that's where really

my journey really began. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you. It's it's it's hard when you have this,

like, unraveling, undoing of the, you know,

the the what we think we need to do and be because we're

told and, you know, the shattering.

Mhmm. And the rebuilding is the rest of our lives.

Right? And thank you for sharing all of that. And I

think how beautiful that you had that experience about wondering who's gonna take care of

your mom or what's gonna happen to your mom and then actually having that self

compassion for you. Because if we can't take care of

ourselves, we can't take care of others.

Yes. Yes. And there is actually I actually wanna share this because I

found this analogy recently, and it fits so perfectly what we're

talking about here. And this is something to do with relationships, like maybe your

romantic partner, but this can be applied within our life as well about

you know, let's say there you're you're you're living in a house,

and you have all your cabinets empty.

Mhmm. Right? And then all your doors are empty. And

someone and you're hungry. You're starving. And someone shows up at your

doorstep. It's a it's a guy, and another

person shows up at your doorstep with pea box of pizza. And you open the

door and you're like, oh my god. Thank you so much. And the person goes,

well, I'm only gonna let you have this box of pizza if you let me

in your house, this stranger. And now because you're desperate,

you're you're you're empty, you're you might think, yeah. Sure. I'll take

anything. But then look at the other side. If, let's say, your

cabinets are full of food, it's fully stocked, your drawers are

fully stocked, and someone shows up at your doorstep with a box

of pizza, and they ask you, hey. Would you like some pizza? You might be

like, yeah. I'm okay with that. But then they tell you, hey. This is the

one of the ways you can have this box of pizza is, like, if you

let me in. But because you're full in that in

that moment, you might say, no. I'm okay. Thank you. So I

think this can be applied in your everyday life as well. If

you're pouring into yourself, you know, you're not gonna allow

any disrespect or things that are not in alignment with you in

your life. So it just fits so perfectly, and I I'm really

trying to remember every time I feel like I shouldn't choose myself or society

tells me I shouldn't do this. It's like, what do I really want? And

that is something that I found that has been working great for me, and

I'm okay with sometimes being, you know, disappointing others

and checking in with with myself. Am I giving my all?

Yes. I am. Are are these expectations realistic? Or

are these ex expectations unrealistic? So, like, those

conversations, like, it has been so clear in my head and my self

talk. So yeah. Absolutely. Thank you for bringing that

up. Have you read Mel Robbins' new book, Let

Them? The Let Them Theory? But I've been hearing about it. I love Mel Robbins.

This is this is totally the jam. It's all about, like, let them Really? Let

me and that, like, you are in control of you and nothing else.

Right. It's kind of one of those things, like I mean, I've been working on

this with my healing, but, like, my boundaries

are very clear to me where before they weren't. Mhmm. And

I say yes or no to things that will serve me. And

if it upsets or disappoints others,

let them. Yes. Right? And,

like, it's so interesting because I think probably your life before

only a completely different person, but probably the the people in your

life like, obviously, family's different, but, like, people in your life have changed.

So true. I I was actually really struggling with

setting boundaries until a few years ago. And when I got

really real with setting boundaries, there's actually a book that I read, and

I was also part of this book club called, this

book called set boundaries, be free, something like

that by Nedra. I'm forgetting her last name. But it's such an amazing

book. And I remember reading it came to me at the perfect

time of my life that I needed it to be because I was still struggling

because I knew something was off, and there were a few relationships I was not

able to set clear expectations because, a, you

might have x amount of years of friendship and you're pouring into each

other. There's so much energy, time, love invested into each other. But

then you also know sometimes people not be in alignment with your life, and that's

okay. You know, just kind of realizing that that was also an

moment. And I remember reading that book that year and applying those

things, applying those concepts. And when I when

I did become very serious about, you know, setting boundaries, I

did lose some relationships, and it was really sad because

doesn't matter what you do. Sometimes you like you said,

let them be. Right? It's okay for people to see you

for what they wanna see you, but not for who you are, and that's okay.

You know? It's totally okay to choose yourself,

to say, no. This does not serve me, and we can meet here. But

if it doesn't work out, it's fine. We're all adults. And

relationships change. Right? Like, Mel Robbins

actually talks about this in her book. I'm like, I'm I'm listening to it because

it's nice because it's like she's talking to me. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm a faster

reader, and I retain more when I hear books than I read books. But she

talks about relationships in it. And, you know, you think about your best friends when

you're a kid in school. Right? You're all in the same classes. You're together all

the time, same birthday parties, maybe extracurriculars. Yeah. So as an

adult, it's completely different because everyone's going through different things.

And so Mhmm. Like, for example, I

I'm sober now. Right? So I'm six years not now. Well, I mean,

I now. But, like, six for six years, I'm sober. And so

when that happened, things changed.

The way my friends certain friends interacted with me changed.

My relationship with certain people changed because I was no

longer the way I once was. And so

some relationships I realized, hey. I actually got together with them to

drink and go out. And I stopped

getting invited. Or some friends of mine, like, if I

were to stay with them, like, they would stay up they would their life was

different. They'd they'd stay up later and, you know, I'm like, I like to

go to bed early. And so I would instead of staying with them, I'd stay

somewhere else or I'd get a hotel or whatever. And, you know, just having people

who've known me forever in my mid thirties readjust to how I show

up. And it doesn't mean that I don't love them or they don't love me,

but our relationship has changed. And, like, even

recently, like, I've had a situation where, like, I've had a

few good friends go through things. Mhmm. And I try

to show up as much as I can for them. And maybe they're not as

responsive because they have responsibilities like children and moving and things are

changing and, you know, the home dynamic. Mhmm. I'm at a place

where it's not, you know, like, I'm not

upset because I know they're I understand that

they're in a different season than me. Right.

Married to. And even though I might be following up with this person, maybe it's

text messages every few days or calling them, and

that's maybe what they need Mhmm. To to be

reminded of that. Right? And so it's really, really

interesting, and I I'm not really too sure your age. You're very mature.

And, just in case you all think I'm in my twenties, I'm not. I'm almost

40. But, like, as I've gotten older, like, it's interesting.

So I was talking to my husband about how I really miss my friends because

I'm in Kamloops. Yeah. And we moved here to be close to my mother-in-law. This

is where he grew up. So I'm in I'm on the stomping grounds, and I've

made friends. But they're not my best friends I've had since grade 10 or

kindergarten that I still have, that I'm still close with. And I'm

close with their kids, but they're not in Kamloops. And I was trying to explain

how much I miss being with them. Yeah. And he's like, you can make new

friends. I'm like, yes. I can, and I have friends. That's not the point.

Like, there's so many different types of friends, and some of my friends are

chosen family. Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Yeah. And I said, and I don't need to have thousands

and I know lots of people, people, but I don't need to have thousands of

friends. I want Absolutely. My friends, and I want quality

deep relationships. Yes. Yes. Right?

And so it's so interesting because as we get older and, like,

in my life, I've lost parents. And, like, my family is shrinking.

So those friends, those chosen family, like, they the relationships become even

more valuable to me. Mhmm. I so agree

with you. And I'm 30 years old,

and things have been changing for me. And you

are still so young. 40 is still so young.

Like, I am getting excited to get older, by the way. Like, I listen. I'm

ready. I'm ready. Hello, forties. I'm August. I love it.

Yeah. I absolutely love it. I remember when I turned 25, I

was like, oh my god. What's happening? You're getting old. But, no, I love it.

I love being a 30 year old woman. I love it.

Absolutely. I feel like, everything that you're saying, I

can so resonate with you on everything. There's so many changes happening

in my life in the back end with relationships, with how I wanna live,

with how I wanna show up. And even what you said about, you

know, being distanced shouldn't change anything when your

relationships are so close knit. And I found that. I found that

some relationships in my life required me to be there all the

time twenty four seven when I don't think like that because

for me, checking in is very important. Yes. But it

can be done over text, a phone call. You know, we understand. We

all have life. Life is always life ing. Right? Yeah. And I think just

kinda communicating that, hey. I absolutely

would love to see you and making time. And I think people in in my

group at least or in my circle or even in my age group, I

found that it was very hard for them to think that, oh, you have to

schedule to meet now. You know, You know, the mindset didn't really change, and

I found that. Yes. It was like, hey. You know what?

I have this going on, and we're all busy. I'm not the only busy person.

We're all busy. But if you wanna make up time for your friends, for your

family, for your partner, for your work, for all these amazing

projects that we're doing, we have to find a system that works for all of

us and meet in the middle, which is using your calendar. It's very simple.

And I think some people have a hard time accepting that. But another thing I

found, I actually reconnected with one of my friends seven years seven,

eight years later, and we were really good friends years

ago. And and we are still now, and we barely see each other, but the

love is still the same. And I I think that is what healthy

relationship is about. Yeah. And we forget that. So

I love that you brought that up because that's so close to my heart.

Some relationships, have changed, but I'm okay with it

because these relationships now I have in my life, they are

aligned with the values and the things I wanna do in the world

and how we wanna show up for each other. So it's very much in alignment.

And they changed because you changed the relationship with

yourself because it starts with yourself. Yes. And,

you know, it's about you taking accountability Mhmm. For your

life. Yes. Like, what a

gift. What a gift. You're only 30. Like, people

sometimes don't realize this till their fifties or ever. Like, I

you know, like, I have people well, like, my mom, for example. Like,

imagine if she took, like, if she took certain things into the matters of her

own hands, things some things, like, you know, like, stuff I'm not gonna bring up

could have been different. And, like, I just think about, like, our parents'

generation. Mhmm. Like Mhmm. What

if? You know, you're so right. I feel

like and, you know, this is how I came in terms and start accepting

the reality for what this is because this used to really bug me in my

early twenties, and I used to kinda, like, have, like, these arguments with my mom.

I was like, why can't you stand up for yourself? Why can't you speak up

for yourself? And all that stuff. And and then I really

when I started to really work on my relationship with my parents, and it's still

work in progress, or with anyone around me, and I

just realized maybe they didn't have the capacity. They didn't have the

time. They were so much in survival. They didn't have the tools. They don't have

the tool. Yeah. Yeah. Our pair like like, yes.

It's it's it's a I think it's a generation thing. Like, we are

gifted with access technology, the conversation around

mental health being there. You know, I look at my parents'

generation. Like, my dad lived with addiction and, like Mhmm. I was the first

one who took him to a meeting. And Wow. What we know now

about addiction is is not what we knew about in the eighties and the nineties.

Right? And divorce and all this stuff in this the and mental

health support and, like, medication. Like, I'm pro

medication. Like, I'm very medicated. SSRIs, ADHD,

progesterone, all the things. But, like, I'm balanced out where, like,

before I was very low. Like and I look at my

mom, for example. My mom had so much trauma. Her husband

left her with two young kids, and she it was it was very traumatic, and

there was lots of trauma associated with it.

And she didn't get the mental health support that she needed because it wasn't, like,

a part of the conversation. Right. Very

true. And it just comes down to you're the you're breaking the

cycle. Right? You're breaking the cycle. We are breaking the cycle. Yes. I love

that. I can't wait to see, like, my friends' kids.

Like, you know, some of them are, like, I think, like, 10.

Get they're getting older, but I can't wait to see, like, this next generation of

kids Yes. Grow up in a in a in a society where

it's just as normal to talk about the weather as it as it is your

mental health. Mhmm. It's normal to ask for apple juice as it is for, like,

appointment for the psychologist. Right? And, like Yeah. What a what a

gift. Yeah. And they can absolutely say no

without hesitation. And I feel like I'm in the middle where I'm, like, I'm still,

like, considering the feelings, and I'm trying to really figure out where I'm, like, I'm

not being mean by saying no. Right? But I'm still getting there. But, oh, I

love the next generation thinking, like, nope. This doesn't serve me. I don't want that.

And I'm like, I love this. Yeah. It's amazing. Okay. So

as we wrap up Mhmm. I love that you're entering a new

decade too. Like, you you got a long you got a long road

of happiness ahead of you. Like, I'm just so like, I love when I see

people like, when I was in my thirties

Mhmm. I was just having a time. Like, the trauma

was being pushed down. Like, there was no, like, there was no self

awareness. Right? And, like, it's such a gift that you have this. It's like you

get the gift of time. And,

our listeners, they range from all different ages and backgrounds

and places. But from what you know now in your

journey, what advice do you have for someone who's

maybe going through an awakening or a self discovery or realizing they're not

living the life that they want to be living? Mhmm.

That's a great question. I just want every

single person to know it's never too late to start

the healing and work on yourself, accept your relationship,

and it's okay to take small, consistent steps.

I'm still work in progress. I'm always gonna be working on myself, so it's

never too late. And I I just

want every single person to know that there is a community out there. There's a

community that Blair is building. We have a community. We're collectively

working on this. We wanna make sure that we are

creating a safe space for everyone. So there's a person out there who's

willing to listen. There's so many tools out there. So it's just a matter of

changing the perception of, yes, there is help available

everywhere. You just have to look in the right direction. And once

you keep that as your intention, you will find it.

You'll find your community. You'll find your people. You and it's you just have to

take your mask off slowly, step by step. So

that would be something I wanna leave with today. And if this conversation

is, like, piquing your curiosity, listen to her

podcast. The link is in the show notes. Thank you, Blair.

I love it. That. That was amazing advice. So take your mask

off. You can peel it off slowly or rip it off like a Band

Aid. Yes. Whatever. Do what you feel like

doing. Yeah. I love that. Ugh. You're so you're

so special and amazing, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life. And,

thank you for doing the work that you're doing and for being a guest on

our podcast. Thank you, Blair. Likewise. Thank

you. Very grateful for being presented with this opportunity, and I

can't wait to see you in New York next week. I'm so excited. So good.

And to everyone out there listening, thank

you. Thank you for spending some time with us, letting us

empower you, help you strengthen your resilience muscle. You know, it's

okay to not be okay. Like, you will get through it. Just keep putting

one foot in front of the other. Know that you're not alone.

We are here with you. We are that lighthouse in the storm.

And a little reminder that you are

resilient AF.