The Life of a Healing Glass Child with Lou Bowers | 014

Welcome back to another episode of Resilient AF with

Blair and Alana, but just Blair, but also Lou.

I am so excited about today's guest. Lou Bowers is a British Columbia based

visibility expert with over a decade of experience in marketing, small businesses,

and four years of specializing in elevating other people's brands.

She successfully guided a range of ventures from soap making, goat

farm, and two gift shops to a parenting coach

business, showcasing her diverse skill set and deep understanding of what it's like to

gain traction in competitive market. Her experience has been featured

in different groups, different media outlets, and she's going

to be an author in the forthcoming book, Resilient AF, Stories of

Resilience volume two. She's a creator of a networking group

in Kamloops, British Columbia called Networking at Night. And I

am so honored that she is here today because she started off as a friend,

and we've just done some really cool collaborations together. And

she's a visibility expert, and it's just so profound

because we're gonna talk today about her experience

from being a glass child, which is the complete opposite of

visibility. And so, Lou, hi.

Hi. I love this. I love listening to my bio and being

like, oh, yeah. That is me. It is you. You're

visible. Right? Because legit, to tell you the truth, I'm

like business on the top, sweatpants on the bottom right now. So I'm not even

wearing a bra, so it's fine. Fantastic, Ben. The camera's positioned if

you you if you're listening, you can't see, but the camera is positioned. But just

in case, I am wearing a branded shirt. I'm wearing one of our dead parents

society shirts available on our store, you know, know, the club that no one wants

to join that I'm unfortunately a part of. But, yeah, your

bio is epic because you are epic. And, you know, today, we're gonna

talk about your experience as a glass child. And to be honest, I mean,

I didn't even know that was a term until you and I sat down to

talk about it. And I think this is the perfect place

to have a dialogue about what what your experience was

like before your sibling came into the picture, what your experience as a glass

child was when you were a child, and where you are today.

So let's dive in. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm gonna I'm

gonna zoom forward a little bit, though. Like, I didn't even

know what a glass child was until I was in my late thirties. And so

when when that term came up and I was like,

holy cow. Like, it just some people wouldn't

say when they, like, get ADHD,

diagnosis later in life, like, something just clicks, and that's what clicked for me. Right?

Like, that was, like, the that's why I am who I

am and also, like, just,

yeah, why I do what I do. So Immediately,

I just wanna say immediately, you know, your name is so brandable. I'm

picturing the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland instead of going, who

are you? Going, who is Lou?

And the fact that you got this piece of the puzzle in your thirties to

really put together who you are is really

beautiful because it allows you to, you know, kind of paint that whole picture.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. But I don't really remember

life before my sister Julie was born. I was two and a half

when she came on the scene. So, yeah, I don't

really recall life before that.

And then, she

was a crying, cranky baby

as many babies are, but she also didn't gain weight. She

had extreme diarrhea. She was

a sick baby. And we didn't know my parents didn't know what was

wrong with her. Doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. And

then when she was two, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis,

which means that her body didn't produce enzymes,

for digestion, hence the extreme volcano

diarrhea. And she also developed a

really thick, thick coating of mucus in her lungs,

which made her super prone to things like pneumonia and other

bronchial infections and that sort of thing. So

yeah. And she spent a lot of time in and out of the

hospital. My parents spent a lot of time learning new

drugs and therapies for her, and I spent

a lot of time at my grandparents' house and,

the neighbor's house and, staying in various

houses where where, you know, I

was safe, but I was also

a guest. I wasn't I wasn't home. So Yeah. Yeah.

And how because you're two and a half. So there was

there a point where you you could remember back to? Because if, you know, Julie

was was not well, this it was just a one

time occurrence. Right? So No. No. It was consistent.

So I can remember, I was probably I'm

gonna say between six and eight maybe.

And I remember, oh, actually, let's go back a little bit further than that.

I remember being four years old, and I still have the

scar. I burnt my hand on our wood stove in the

living room, and I hit it. So if you can imagine and, I

mean, I still have the scar. It was a pretty significant burns, but you can

imagine this little four year old girl who knew

that her parents already had enough to deal with. So Oh, that's

so sweet. Burning my hand was not something that I was

gonna tell them about. Eventually, they noticed, and, you know, I

couldn't hold back the tears. But I I sat in the corner and held my

hand and just let the tears fall. I didn't make a sound. So

yeah. That's really, really sad. And, like, also

being for and having that awareness that your parents

you you you, perceived your parents' capacity to be

full with Julie. So I think maybe before we go a little

further, like, I think this is a good place to define,

like, what is a glass child, and what was

it about this definition that that you related to that you knew this was

you? So a glass child is

a child who has a sibling with high medical

needs. And,

essentially, what happens is not through

any intention from the adults around that

child, but simply because they have to pour so

much energy into the the

ill child, the sick kid. The glass children,

often their needs are put to the side.

So or they learn how to meet their needs at a very young age, and

they grow up very fast and yeah. Yeah.

Wow. And so

you're four. You remember burning your hand. You were about

to share a story from when you were maybe six. Right. Yeah. So,

at that point, my sister was staying in children's hospital, in

Vancouver, And my grandma and

I were also in Vancouver staying with a cousin,

and we had left the cousin's house to

go to a great aunt's house. There was, like, just family

everywhere. But, and the great aunt had this, like,

cool old rambling farmhouse and these donkeys, and,

like, it was the best house ever, until nighttime

came along. And I was like, I don't wanna stay in this

creepy old farmhouse with donkeys making weird noises outside

anymore. It was like foreshadowing for your future.

Right. Yeah. We'll get into the goat farming later about that.

But, so I actually told one of the adults, and I

can't remember which one it was. But I told one of the adults in the

kitchen, like, I want my grandma to come back and get me. And

they must have known something was up with me

because they were like like after my grandma got there, they were, like,

congratulating me kind of for speaking up and telling them what I needed.

So I think they kind of saw what was happening in my

childhood, and then were like I just remember

they were really proud of me for asking for what I wanted in that

moment. And I was yeah. It was it's kind

of looking back now. It's it's very monumental of, like,

holy cow. Other people saw it too. Like and

it's validating to know other people saw it too. Right?

And I think it's actually really profound because you were two and a half when

Julie was born. You're maybe around six, so that's about four years. I'm bad at

math, but, you know, ish. And so for four years, you

took this back seat. Mhmm. And you finally

found your voice or the,

courage that you needed to speak up. Do you think

that moment changed how you showed up in all the

situations? I

think it was definitely, like, a first step, but, you know,

it was kinda like two steps forward, four steps back kinda deal.

So yeah. Wow. I can't even

imagine what that would, like, that would be like. I, you know, I only have

one sister, and she didn't neither of us had complex

medical needs. We, you know, we had a different family situation,

with having a single mom raising us. But you have other siblings

too? Yep. I have a a younger younger sister.

Heather is nine and a half years younger than me.

And what was life like when she came along?

It just rolled.

She came along. My mom how was that? I

remember, when Heather came along,

she has a different dad, and my mom was in a very

transitional point in her life. So it was when my

mom actually told us, it was in the car. She had picked us up from

Brownies, and she said, you know, I'm gonna have a baby. And I remember I

just laughed because she must be joking right now. Like,

that's not gonna happen. But it did. And,

yeah, Heather, just kinda

rolled as well. So, yeah, she just rolled into every

all all the rest of it. And Yeah. So, I'm gonna ask,

like, a a bit harder of a question because Julie was so

sick. How long was Julie with

us? Julie died in

do you think that whole time while she was alive because that

means you were, like, 22 or 23. Yep. I was

22. So for those twenty years, do you feel like you were

a glass child that entire time? Yes.

Yeah. I actually when

Julie was in the ICU and when she was in a coma and that

sort of thing. And, my parents were at the hospital

and, my grandparents and other family. And I

remember thinking,

when she passes, my parents are going to

stop loving me because they will not have the capacity for that.

I wish I could just hug you right now,

and that's a really natural thought.

What I know we know we were talking about your experience as a glass

child, but I think this is actually really important because there's life with

Julie and then life after Julie passed

away. Right. Yeah. It's like, you know, there's

moments in life that are that are before and after

moments. Right? And Mhmm. That's definitely one of them for sure.

And what was life like after Julie passed away with your parents?

It was actually the opposite of what I thought it would be. You

know? My dad invited me out to dinner for

probably the first week or two at

least afterwards. And,

yeah, actually, my parents had been divorced for a really long

time, when Julie passed. And we actually

went to my dad and my stepmom's house and had, like, this big

circle group therapy thing that happened. And just

yeah. It was it was a lot different than I thought it would

be. Wow.

That must have been really also interesting, like, from your parents' perspective. I mean

but I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child, to have a sick

child. I mean, I don't even I can't even I could could even carry a

baby to term. Like, I can't even imagine what it's like. I can't

like, the there's a whole layer to children and let alone

things happening in not the right, like, order that, you know, we

think should happen where the parents die before the child.

And you you bear witness to your parents experiencing

something that's considered out of order, out of natural order.

And I don't know if you've you've talked to them about your you know, what

your feelings are, experiences as a glass child. Have you or

even Heather. Like, have you guys any of you talked about it? Like,

I I mean, I think it's just a curious conversation because I bet you there's

people listening out here who it's so relatable that they're learning what this term is

today at this very moment. And they might be,

like, thinking, how do I navigate this? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't talk about it with my parents very much.

I found that it makes my dad really uncomfortable to even

kinda talk about Julie. And then when I we talked to my mom, you know,

it's we tell stories and that sort of thing, but I don't really talk

about, my experience growing up and having my

mom as my mom in that situation. Right? But, yeah, Heather and

I definitely talk about it. I think I think,

actually, I sent her a text afterwards. I was like, oh my god. We're a

glass children. I was like, this is what we are. Yeah.

Like, does this does this resonate with you too? And so

yeah. And, like, learning about being a like, okay. So I I'm gonna

transition to, like, your experience as an entrepreneur, goat

farmer, visibility expert. But to to kind of, like, transition into that, I

wanna know, you know, you discovered in your thirties Mhmm. The

term and what you were. How do you think that, like I don't know if

it's a diagnosis, but that definition of, like, the way you

felt, putting words to it, how do you think

that helped with your visibility and you with you stepping

forward into the next phase of your life? I

think two things happened.

So, like, you know, when you're in therapy and they're like, name your

emotions, and then it just sorry. My I'm new to bangs. It

looks When you're in therapy and they're like, name your emotions. And when

you name it, it doesn't it it, like, brings it into the light and it

gives it not so much power. Like, when you're

when you're just raging angry and you can be like, I am raging angry, it

just runs it down, like, three different levels. Right? And I think that,

you know, naming something because I

I was chasing people to love me and

to, see my worth, right, and

and to meet my needs and to and I didn't know how to

flat out ask to have my needs met. I knew how to,

like, sneak or, you know, be passive

aggressive about what I needed, but I didn't know how how to actually say

I need x y z. Can you help me?

And I and that that changed after that. Like, it was like,

okay. I I see that, and I see why that's happening.

And then it also brought like, because it brought back

some of the the grief,

like, the deep heavy grief of Julie dying. Right?

And and it made me think, I don't necessarily wanna live my

life hustling to have my needs met. So

I started and it didn't

like, nothing nothing happened, magic wand or anything like that.

Right? It just kind of was like a thought process that built like a snowball,

and then and then through a lot of work,

plunked me where I am now. Yeah. Oh, that's

so beautiful because it's like it opened up

this realm of possibilities for you to be in this, like, next level of existence.

And when you found that out because I know you you have children.

You have, the children's father who at once was your husband. Yeah.

Wherein finding out that you were a glass you are a glass child, not

work because you are still. You are a last child. In

your life were you? Like, did you have kids? Were you still married?

Like, where what was what was what was happening in your life when you found

this out? Yeah. When I found this

out, I was, I have four kids.

I still have four kids. I didn't send any of them

back. I had four kids,

and I was essentially living the

RV life. We were traveling in our motor home,

extensively. We were all over the province

and and just really exploring where we'd also

my kids were homeschooled at that time, and we had been on,

some really big trips, like month long

trips to Europe and, that sort of thing. So

there was a lot of travel happening in

my life then. Yeah.

And do you think learning

this impacted the choices you made in relationships

moving forward? Yeah. I

it was it was a goal of mine to travel and experience and do all

those things. Right? Like, I want to live this big

full life. And then when I was on the road, I realized it was

really lonely. Like, I did not have my

people and my community around me.

And I recall the the time that I spoke up

and said, like, it's it's too much for me right now.

Mhmm. I'm not gonna go on this next trip.

That was a big deal. That was scary, right, to have just my husband and

kids go on a trip without me. That had never happened in my

life, and I didn't even know what to do with myself. Like, I I had

an hour long shower and cried because I just didn't know what to do with

myself or if I was making a mistake or if my whole life was just

going to fall apart. But I also knew that, like,

I just could not experience

the loneliness and and exclusion.

What is that? I don't know. The word will come later. But,

like, that just that, isolation

that comes with with living in an RV and traveling

around. So yeah. And good for you for standing up for what you wanted to

do. And that that does sound scary, but also very liberating once you kind of

lean into this new feeling. Right? And speaking up for yourself is huge.

Right. And, you know, we don't have I I mean, I wish we had hours.

Maybe you and I have endless amounts of time, but not all this.

So while that's all happening, you've had various careers. At one point, you and

your family, you know, were living on a farm. You're a goat farmer. There's, you

know, articles out there of you milking a goat while pregnant.

You, you know, made soap. You, had a business group

for moms. You oh, you were coaching parents. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. And and now you're a visibility expert. So how

do you think, like, the the career transition? Because I think the goat

goat milking was before you learned you were grass glass child to stepping

into being a full visibility expert,

you know, and standing in the, like, power of the lessons you've

learned as being a, you know, being a glass child. Like, what has that been

like for you? And and let's talk let's kinda dive into that because that's

a pretty big, like, arc from, like, making soap to helping

people be seen. Right? I

think, again, like, when you know,

as things evolved and, especially stepping into,

like, parent coaching. Right? So and helping

people. I mean, my tagline was I help you not lose your shit on your

kids. So, you know, just

stepping into that and figuring out, like, what does it really take

to to actually help people in

that capacity. And then, you know, in the life pivot

of getting divorced, I had to look

at what are my skills and what can I do? And I

love I love spreading that message of, you know, you

are the one who is going to show up for you, and you have to

choose that. You are worthy of that, but you have to show up

and you have to tell people what you do.

And, you know, in order to live

big and successfully, you need to get

it out there. And it's not it's not a one and done thing. You have

to continuously show up. And, I've learned a lot

about consistency and how,

you know, when when you have a daily

habit of showing up for your business, showing up for

yourself, things just get so much

better. Like Yeah. When you when you show up and you're seen and

you take up that main character role in your life, oh my

god. The things that shift. So, yeah, it's

it's big when you show up for yourself, and I

get to help people do that. And that's that's a dream come true that I

didn't even know I had. So Love it.

Love. And you have a gift. So not everyone that listens is,

like, in the world of business. But if you're curious about this and you're not

in business, that's cool. Or if you're in business, you have a gift for everyone

called the all eyes on you, which is a jam packed guide full of ideas

to get more visibility for your business and step into the spotlight. So those links,

that link is in the the show notes, all of your, your website,

your social handles. Everything you need to know about Lou is

in, the show notes. So I invite you to connect with her, follow her, learn

to be visible. You know, if you're curious about even what her

experience is as a glass child, if this is resonating, it might be,

an advantage to reach out to her because she could probably help you start to

be seen. And it doesn't just have to be in the world of business.

So, I mean, there's so much that we can

keep talking about, but I think a really beautiful place to end would be, what

advice do you have for someone who is just learning that they are a glass

child? Really step

into your worthiness and know that that is a process

because it doesn't like, the first time you

think I am so worthy of living

life fully, your brain goes, uh-huh. Just

kidding. But, like, just really being

consistent back to being consistent and and showing up

for yourself and and learning how to trust yourself

is huge in that. Beautiful

advice. Lou, you're amazing. I see

you. Thank you. And thank

you so much for being a guest with us today on Resilient AF.

Absolutely. Anytime. And thank you to everyone who tuned in for

another episode of Resilient AF. Oh my gosh.

You wanna learn more about us? Go to our website,

theglobalresilienceproject.com. You wanna be more inspired? Check out our other

episodes of our podcast. You can buy our books on our

website. You can just dive right in. And, you

know, life is beautiful, but, also, there are some very

dark challenging moments, and it's easy to feel alone,

when you're going through it. So just know that you are not

alone. You have us. We will hold your hand through the darkest hour.

It is okay to not be okay. You got this, my

friends. You are resilient AF.