My Dead Mom with Wendy Litner | 013

Welcome back to another episode of Resilient AF with Blair

and Alana and regretfully, especially for today. Alana

can't be here, but we are here with the one, the

oni oni. The one and the oni won't only

Wendy Littner. Now, this this episode has

been months in the making. Actually, it's probably been even years in the making without

even knowing it because Wendy is a lawyer turned writer

and creator of the CBC original digital series, How to Buy a

Baby, a comedy based on our own hilarious inability to conceive.

Season 1 was nominated for an international Emmy Award and garnered nominations

at festivals around the world including Holly Web UK

Webfest, Seoul Webfest, Copenhagen Webfest and Toronto Webfest.

The series also won best writing at the International Academy of Web

Television Awards and best comedy series and best directing. So basically, she

wins a lot of awards because she's fucking awesome. And she's won a

lot in Canada. I'm putting her bio below. But the reason she's here today,

which it's interesting because I also struggle with fertility and that's we'll see if we

get there today, is that we not only come from the same

religious background, not religious, but religion background, both

have the same type of humor, but we both have dead moms.

Yes. We do. Do you have a dead mom? You have a dead mom. You

must. Yes. Yes. I have a dead mom. Okay. I I mean, I

assumed because she put out

her series called My Dead Mom, and it's

based on the death of her mom. See, I should've just kept reading the bio,

who wouldn't stop talking. So I love there's so many parallels.

So her show My Dead Mom, when I saw an ad

for it that it was coming out, I was like, I didn't even know who's

in it, who wrote it. I was like, I have a dead mom too. And

then I saw there was a bit of Judaism there. I'm like, that's me. I'm

Jewish. And and then I was like, I gotta watch it. And literally, the

day it came out, I watched it. And I posted about it

on social media. And, my dead mom's social media account, which

is also Wendy, engaged with me. And I was like, I started a

conversation with her, and I cannot believe that she made the time to be on

this podcast because she's worked on lots of other shows. She's really

busy. She's making moves. And she

is in the dead mom club. And also,

I just like, there's so many synergies. Wendy,

welcome to the show. Alana sends her regrets. What

you need to know is that we've been trying to do this for a while

now. Right? Like, the show came out November 1st. We saw and now it's, like,

mid January. And you the beginning of the week when you email me

saying that you'll make whatever time today works. What's really special about today? So

we're recording it today. I'm gonna get this episode out in the next couple weeks.

Is that today, January 17th, is my mom's birthday. Oh, so it

was meant to be. Oh, that's so lovely. And I got

goosebumps, and I saw that when you responded this morning with your bio. I was

like, I better go brush my hair. I'm

just so I am so happy to be here. It's I'm so excited. I'm such

a fan of yours, and it's such a joy and privilege truly to be here

and to speak with you. And I'm a fan of yours. So I think maybe

before we kinda go into, like, your fabulousness and, like, how

amazing this show is and why everyone needs to watch it because

almost everyone is going to experience mother loss, I need

I wanna know. Like, tell me about your mom and your

relationship with your mom, and and and let's walk through her final

season. Well, first of all, I hear my mom right now telling me,

like, why don't you why can't you straighten your hair and look like Blair? So

she's like I feel like she's very much a part of this. Your curls are

gorgeous. Your curls are gorgeous. I can I can hear her right now being,

but, my mom and I always had a very difficult relationship,

which I always thought would maybe just hopefully work itself out into adulthood, but we

never really got the opportunity to do that? So,

she died when I was 23, quite suddenly

of, like, a very rare cancer. Not well, not suddenly, I guess, over 6

months, but, of a very rare cancer. And I found myself as a motherless daughter.

Like and it's such a hard age to,

as a motherless daughter. Like and it's such a hard

age to I feel like it's so sad because I feel like others, of course,

like, there's people that lose their mom and they're there's never a good age to

lose your mom. But I found myself being in this sort of strange spot of,

like, well, I'm sort of an adult. Like, I'm technically an adult,

but I certainly didn't feel like one yet, and it didn't feel like I had

fully grown up yet. And it's just it's always whenever you lose your

mom, it's just just a such a strange such a strange space to

be in and to realize, like, oh, no. They're gone. They're gone

forever is a such a tough realization.

23 is young. I mean, 20 I mean, any age

is is is terrible, but 23 is young.

And I'm you know, I'm listening to Mel Robbins' new book, and it just reminded

me, like, our brains aren't fully developed till we're 25. Right.

And I see my nieces now, and I think, like, I thought I was so

old at the time. But now when I see, like, my nieces or nephews, I'm

like, oh my god. It's so it's so young. It's very it's very

young, but I still feel like, the show really came out of the fact that

I still hear her all the time. Like, I remember, when

she died, her doctor said to me, like, your relationship with your mom didn't

end. It just changed. And I was like, okay. Well, where the

fuck did you go to law did you go to med school? Because, like, she

was dead. So that felt, like, pretty definitive. But he's right. I hear

her I would hear her all the time. I hear her all the time. She's,

like, always still correcting me. Like, she hates the lipstick I'm

wearing, and I hear her, like, I hear her still sort of, like,

trolling me and and saying things. So it's strange that she's

still she's so absent from my life and still so much a part of it.

What's your mom's name? Patty. Patricia.

Patty. Oh, hey, Patty. What's your mom's what's your

mom's name? Sharon. Sharon. Oh, so

lovely. And what how old would she have been today? Today, she would

have been 66. Wow. And she died at

62, and I'm 39. So, however, 4 she died

4 years ago, so I was in my mid thirties. Oh, it's you

have, like I assume I'm gonna die when she did, so I'm always, like, calculating.

Like, I'm like, oh, I only have till 54. Yes. Well,

it's have, like, this many years left. Like It's this

rage. So, like, recapping, like, obviously, I watched the show November 1st when

it came out. So I was like, okay. I rewatched the trailer, and I was

like, oh, yeah. Like, this is why we have so many similarities. So my mom

learned she had cancer, was told you're gonna be fine, and then she was in

pain, went into the hospital, and they're like, your body's covered in tumors. You have

2 weeks left to live, and she died 3 days later. It was it was

and, like, during this whole time, my father was terminally ill, and I had just

lost my father-in-law 3 months before, and we miscarried because I also have

fertility challenges. I just know. I'm like, I'm beside

myself. I need to hug you. This is I'm so

sorry. Wendy will hug when I see you in Toronto. And it's chaotic. But,

it like, I, like, fully just, like, had this, like, full breakdown

when it happened. And, like, I was trying

to feel like, I made a note. Like, I was just trying to feel anything

but the way I was feeling, and I just wanted to find happiness. And it

took me hitting this, like, extreme rock bottom to go into alternative

healing modalities to get back in my body. And, like, I'm gonna be healing the

rest of my life, things I didn't even know I needed to heal. And it

it healing the rest of my life,

things I didn't even know I needed to heal. And at at one point in

the beginning of my, like, I I would say, I a midlife crisis, like, I

thought, okay. I'm gonna die. Like, I thought I was gonna like, my mom didn't

retire. My dad was my dad lived with addiction. His health was bad.

So he was forced into retirement. My father-in-law didn't retire, and all they talked

about was when I retire when I retire. And they died in their sixties.

And so I was like, okay. Well, my mom died in her, like,

early sixties. My aunt, her older sister did not have kids like

me, and she died of ovarian cancer at 54. And I

so my mortality was questioned and how I show up in life was questioned.

And I, like, thought my marriage was gonna end because, like, I got dragged

to his hometown where I didn't know anyone. I was selling my house in Winnipeg

and and Pemberton and, like, it was just so chaotic and I was like, well,

I'm probably gonna die soon. And I came into money because I sold my mom's

house and I was like, I better save the world. And I spent beyond the

amount of my means and beyond. I'm still paying it off. And I opened a

children's center for at risk youth in Ghana, Africa because I met someone on the

Internet and believed in his mission and sent him money, and then I was like,

I should go there. And I went there, and then I just, like, went on

this journey. I tracked gorillas in the jungle in Uganda, and I went to Croatia

and pretended I was a millionaire. I'm not. I feel like we've, like, the

exact same story except I didn't do any of the good work in helping people.

I just had, like, the breakdown and the marital problems, but not the I

didn't come out of it saving Well I really understand

you don't even know how to be in the world and even, yeah, I feel

like even the strongest relationship, it's like you don't even know how to be in

your relationship anymore. You don't even know how to show up. You don't know who

you are. So I can I completely understand you wanna feel

anything but what you're feeling? Right. I do was your, were your

parents also my parents were very, like work was so

important. So, like, my mom was dying, and I was in law

school, which I only went to because she told me to. And, like, if you

knew her, it's so like her to, like, die before I graduate. Yeah.

But she wouldn't let me, like like, taking time off

from school was not an option. So, like, it

was still, and even when she was, like, close to dying, it was like,

well, I had a job with legal aid. Like, I couldn't not take the I

couldn't not take the job. Like, I had to work. So there was a

lot of, like, no Yeah. Mentality too and no

real, like, slowing slowing down.

And so I felt like after she died, I sort of maintained that till it

caught up with me. I, so those those of us those

of you out there who can't tell the how young we are, we're around the

same age. I'm a I kinda like to say I'm a vintage millennial, me and

you. Generally, this is to say, I'm older. Yeah. But, like,

we're in the same whole high school series older. Yeah. But, like, it's fine. We're

in the same, like, generation. So my dad was a very

successful entrepreneur. He was a diamond dealer and a gemologist.

And, unfortunately, in the eighties, someone introduced him to cocaine, and it turned into

a really bad drug problem where he went from,

injecting to smoking crack to having to sell his

business to leaving our family. And we are from a community where you don't air

out your dirty laundry. You just you you know, you're told to disappear, fix your

shit, and then come back. And that didn't happen. And so I had,

like, a single mom raising us, putting us through Hebrew school summer camp

activities. We were the I'd say the charity cases, but we were

we had a privileged life, but we had a lot of support from, like, our

extended family and community. And I didn't know this till my later in

life. But because my mom wanted us to have a certain education

and an experience and because my dad could no longer financially

contribute, his contribution was lots of trauma. Thanks

dad and mom. I,

I saw my mom, a dental hygienist, work really fucking

hard. And My mom was also a dental hygienist, and my

parents were divorced. How was this?

Wendy. Oh, how was this possible? Anyway, I'm so sorry. I'm, like,

interrupting your trauma to be like, oh my god. Yeah. Let's trauma

bonding. It's fine. That's story. I know we did It's okay. It's okay. Yeah.

Please come into the room. So, anyways,

my mom's priority was a get a good education, learn as much as you can,

but my family on both sides had a lot of entrepreneurs. And I worked for

I went to university and I worked for Lululemon. And when I was 23, I

moved to Vancouver, quit my job with Lululemon, started my own PR company, and,

like, chose the hard route. Like, I I mean, it wasn't I was successful

in the sense of the I was doing cool shit, but I've never been, like,

having an abundance of money in the bank. But I've I've had a very rich

fulfilling life of experience. But because I had

my own business, I don't have bereavement leave,

and I don't I didn't have a huge cushion. Like,

when my mom died, like, when the miscarriage happened, like,

my clients were understanding. That was traumatic. When my when Dave died 3

weeks later, like, I had to take a pause, but, like,

I couldn't really stop. I just pushed deadlines. But then when my mom

died, like,

even recently so my mom died 4 years ago, February.

I'll have memories of, like, oh my god. I was working on this project, and

I just stopped working on it and responding to a client. So I can

understand. Yeah. You Yeah. Yeah. You just sit down, especially when it happens

so suddenly like that. There's no it like, I I like, I feel

terrible. I feel like if the having

time to prepare, I think, like, it it helps in not having that time.

It's just I don't even know how you're still I don't even know how you're

doing this. Well, okay. Lots of, medication

and healing and listen. Okay. So I'm a

lot like my dad. I learned my dad was terminal at the end of 2,018.

I was like, you know what? I have to cut out alcohol because it was

I was like, you know what? I have to cut out alcohol because

it was a bridge to bad decisions that were also my dad's bad decisions. I

can't navigate his end of life like that, and sobriety has been such a gift

because I've allowed myself to heal and to feel.

And my sobriety is a huge thing. And, like, I became a

motivational speaker, and I help people to, I'd say, strengthen their resilience

muscle using neuroscience. So there are things we can do to be resilient.

And, there's lots of things like, I work really hard at it.

Like, you could stay where you are and feel how you wanna feel, but

eventually, if you wanna feel different, you actually have to change. And I just

hit a place of, like, not wanting to feel the way I wanna feel,

but, like, do I still cry myself to sleep? Yeah. Like, I'm in the middle

of the craziest book launch I've ever done. And, like, do I know what I'm

doing? Well, I must because I'm doing it, but, like, it's I bit off a

lot. And, like, sometimes I'm like, it would be easier just to, like, I don't

know, work at a library, but that's not

me. And, I can't even remember your

question, but do you remember your question? It was how are you

even doing this? Oh, right. See, disassociating is definitely a

good a good way to do it. So how am I doing it? I think

it's about putting one foot in front of the other and having support

asking for help and healing. And, you know, I'm a 39

year old sober childless parentless bird watcher

who lives in Kamloops. I set goals

every year. I create vision boards. This was not any

any part of the plan. I thought I'd be a wine drinking soccer mom, going

with Baba Sharon to Palm Springs, wearing my matching outfits with

little Blair, you know, like, doing Sunday Hebrew school because my Shane my

Shane my Shane, my husband isn't Jewish, but we were like, he was fine with

me raising them, like, however I wanted, which would be a mix of both of

us. This is not the life I wanted, but you know what? I was dealt

certain cards. And what can I what's in my control? And,

yeah, it's not fucking fair. Like, it's not fair at all,

but I could only look forward.

And I know what I can do and what's in my control, and we are

more powerful as humans than we think. So, obviously, like,

if your mom dies, you don't need to open in, like, a a center for

at risk youth in Africa or, like, start this global movement. I'm just doing things

in extreme because I'm just I'm an extreme human. I've always been this way.

But the other way I've gotten through this is

humor. Yes. That's huge for me. A huge

coping mechanism. Huge. And so Alana and I have this dark

humor, and I can't wait for you to meet her. And,

watching your show, like, we didn't watch it together, but, like, I would text her,

and she would text me. And I said today, like, what questions do you have

for Wendy? Because she's so sad she couldn't be here. Like, she would be

here if she could, but she actually, she was she's

a therapist. She's our mental health director, and she

switched from child and family therapy to palliative. Oh, wow. It

takes such a special person to do palliative therapy. She sounds incredible.

Yeah. So she and she really is. And it's interesting because, like, I've mostly retired

from my PR agency, and I'm all in on the global resilience project, and

I've become a grief and resilience coach. So

but, anyways, humor. Alana wants to know,

so your mom your mom had cancer and was,

I guess, terminal for 6 months or she you learned she had cancer and died

6 months later. We had the inexperience. Like, our dad, we learned he was

terminal and was told he had a year and a half to 2 years, and

he lasted three and a half years and outlived all the other healthy parents. So

he had a slow death where our mom, she was early to

everything in life and in death. Like, literally, like, oh, you have cancer. You're gonna

die in 2 weeks, and she died 3 days later. But within both of those

end of life experiences, there were so many moments that had me and my sister

laughing. Like, not just little laughing that's funny, but, like, so many humorous

moments. Full on, like, belly laughs. Yes.

Absolutely. And I want we wanna know yours. Like, if you can think of any,

like, kind of those humorous moments towards the end that stand out.

My mom laughed her way through I mean, that's the way we go through

everything growing up, but my mom laughed her way through cancer in the most

incredibly, like, inspiring way. When she first met with the

doctor that told her, like, the diagnosis, the she asked the doctor,

like, how much time do I have? And the doctor said, well, I wouldn't buy

any green bananas. And everybody else was horrified, and we thought

that was so funny. That's We couldn't stop laughing.

Like, she always she, like, she she had adrenal

cancer, and so she, like, developed this, like she, you know, she had a

distended stomach, and she would, like, tell everybody it was her cancer baby.

And, like, do they wanna touch her cancer baby? It was so many things that

are just, like, so ridiculous, but it was much much.

We would, like, all laugh. She'd be like, oh, let's tell people I'm carrying a

baby for, like, for you. I'm like, why for me? Like, I was like,

ew. And, like, why would you have what? But it it was like, we

everything would like, there's nothing that wasn't off limits to us.

And all we did was sort of, like, make jokes and sort of laugh our

way through it. It's the only way I know how to cope. I come from,

like, a long line of Jewish women, like, strong Jewish women that have

laughed in the face of tragedy. And I don't know. We just

we just always do, like, from my my my grandmother,

as well. I I'd always tell this story that, like, I remember, when I was

younger, my grandfather died her husband, and we were leaving

the, we were leaving the cemetery. And my grandfather

was Joe, and she said, oh my god. She had a moment of panic. We

were in the lim like, the limousine that you take, and she said, oh my

god. Where's Joe? And my mom and her sister, like, look at each other. Like,

I think she's he's riding out back, mom. Like, she forgot for

a second. Like, we forgot my husband, and we just always

found a way to laugh at. So I feel like that's just sort of

been her legacy, and I feel like I was

always feeling guilty that I couldn't find waste. I didn't know how to honor

her. Like, I'm like, am I supposed to do, like, fundraisers for the

other 2 people in the world that have adrenal cancer? Like, am I

supposed to do, like, fun runs? I'm like, maybe I should get a tattoo. I'm

like, my mom would hate a tattoo. Like, what would I Fun runs. She didn't

have a tattoo. Like, why? Like, what am I gonna get, mom? Like, it's

just, it was so and then I was like, there was no way. And then

I realized that the way I honor her is by laughing and by laughing

at all the hard stuff is how I keep her Is that's how

I honor her and keep her alive to me, I think, is telling her jokes.

record this, but we have the rest of our lives to develop this beautiful

friendship that has already started. Oh, this is, like, the start of our love story,

and we have it, like, taped. I'm so excited. I know. I I think

that's amazing. I love, like, how, like, should we tell people I'm carrying your baby?

Like so my parents are both really funny in, like, different ways.

And I was just talking to Lana about, like, what are stuff like, what are

some of those funny moments that you've that stand out for you? Because I was

in such a state of trauma because of all the extra death that, like,

I I could remember if there's, like, the poke. And so,

my I was sitting with my mom when she learned she was gonna die before

Alana came back to Winnipeg from Toronto. And so remember this

whole time, Alana, my dad is dying. And my

mom, I would say, like, hated my dad. Like, my dad

really fucked things up for her. And I was like,

okay. I know what the answer is. And so those of you out there listening

who don't know, in Judaism, we don't cremate,

we bury. And, generally in a Jewish cemetery,

and there's, like, Jew there's laws about where to go in a cemetery, and I

didn't know that. But so as my mom is dying, I'm like, she's

a like, the second last day of her, like, being conscious.

I'm like and she's in and out of sleep. And I'm like, hey, mom. Like,

I in my head, I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from

her. I'm like, what are your wishes? Like, where do you wanna be buried? And

she's like, oh, Hebrew sick, which is where our whole family is.

That's a weird name for a cemetery, Hebrew sick. It's, like, actually Hebrew

dead. Like, they're dead, but whatever. Right. And and then she

goes she perks up and in her, like, angry, not

cancerous voice goes, don't you dare bury me

beside your father. Okay? And so the

whole time, the cemetery the synagogue and the person

coordinates where the bodies go Yeah. Knows my dad is

dying. So now I'm calling the the you know, I'm calling them, hey. Like,

my mom's about to die. We know my dad is going to die.

My mom's wishes are to not be buried beside him. And so then

I need to actually coordinate because in Jewish law,

like, a single woman can't be buried beside a man they don't know.

And, like, because I've had so much death, grandpas, aunts, uncles. Anyways.

Yeah. Because my mom's beside somebody. She I didn't know that. They just that

they oh, they're not supposed to be beside a woman you don't know, but not

a man. Oh, shit. We might go we might have to dig her up.

Oh, fuck. Okay. Ew. Beautiful. Season 2 of my dead

mom. Ew. Oh, no. So, anyways, I had to

coordinate, and so, like, we kinda had an idea. We so my mom

basically there's a row in the cemetery that we've had so much death that, like,

there hasn't been a lot of other death from other people that, like, kind of

a row with all of our family, but not planned, which worked out.

But when my dad did die, like, he's in, like, a similar

area, but, like, on the other side. So, like, obviously, very close,

but not beside. But so, like, that was just to be really funny. And, like,

our mom's roommate, like, she when my mom was dying, like, she

was not okay, and she was in her nineties. And she looks at me, and

she she just made a comment. She's like, like, can you come

here? Or, like and I went there, and she was just like, why are you

walking? I'm like, I don't know. She's like, well well, that's not fair. And, like,

getting, you know, like, just and and but but it was weird. Her name was

Dot. It was just like it's like all these moments, like, you're you're mourning your

mom about to die, and then there's all this, like, humor happening. Our dad

our dad wanted to stick it to the government. Like, in Canada, we get free

health care and all that stuff. And my dad always wanted to stick it to

the government, and he was not okay. And, he, like, was

on disability and, like, you know, disability pension and, like, you

know. But towards the end, he was in him the his, the

hospice, the palliative unit at the hospital. And he couldn't even get

out of bed to use his computer. And towards the end, he thought he was

at the office. Like, his brain stopped. You know, he was losing his his

functions. And he had, like, a list of, like, his shopping items. Like, he

I got there to visit him and he's like, okay, Blair. I need some stuff

for work. I need Gitch. I need a sweater. I need some I'm like, I'll

go get you some stuff. I bought stuff that I could wear because I knew

he wasn't even gonna be able to put them on. But the rabbi the

rabbi's sitting with him right before he dies and goes, Leonard, like, why don't you

just let go? He's like, why would I go anywhere? I have

three square meals a day and free Wi Fi.

Like, you're not eating. You're not on the computer. But and then, like, my

sister and I had a specific moment, and it

was so my dad had a roommate, Gary. They were the

rebels. My dad, they would go around on their scooters. They called their motorcycles.

And, like, they would, like, sneak out after hours and, like, my dad found another,

like, you know, rebel. But, anyways, Gary was also dying. It was like the the

lung ward. And, my dad had COPD and lung cancer.

And so we thought our dad was about to die, and Gary caught some sort

of viral thing. And he's, like, in his he's old. Like, way older than my

dad. Like, maybe he's in the eighties. My dad was in the sixties. And my

dad's bed was the one beside the bathroom, and Gary just

he caught something. So we think our dad's about to die. Gary can't stop

shitting his brains out and barfing and moaning, and we are

thinking our dad's about to die. And, like, all we hear

is, like, the soundtrack to, like, a gastro issue. And so

Alana and I are now, like, trying to find, like, music to try and cover

it up. And so, like, we found this, like, Kholnidre v

dewy prayer that was very haunting and, like, had it full

blasted and holding dad's hands being, like, dad, let go. It's okay to let go.

Like, we're, like, praying for him just, like, not praying, like, because,

like, God. We're, like, praying as, like, this needs to fucking end. And

so Gary is barfing and vomiting and grunting, and our we have

this Hebrew, like, YouTube video of, like, rabbis

pounding their chests and praying and it was just so

chaotic, and it was just so ridiculous that we just couldn't help

but laugh. Let me see. You can't help but laugh. I know that's

can't help but laugh. Okay. So my dead mom,

like, I know, like, it's in Canada. Like, how do our American friends can't watch

it yet. Not yet, but we're hoping to be able to bring it to

we're hoping to be able to bring it outside of Canada. But if they wanna

follow along at my dev mom, on Instagram, it

it, like, it it helps so much. And, also, we'll be posting, like, behind the

scenes and clips from the show and updates and things like that. So,

any all the engagement and support truly helps, and it's just it's been so

wonderful to be connected to the grief community. Mhmm.

It's just been, like, it's it's just been such a such a gift. I feel

like nobody really there's people that have lost their parent, people that haven't, and I

feel like they just don't it's it's people don't under don't understand.

Oh. And maybe people that have 2 parents. I'm like,

what? Oh, well, wait. I'm

an or I'm an orphan. And I know. I'm just like, so

far. It's so crazy. And so, like,

in Winnipeg, in February, sometimes it's minus

52 Celsius. And it just so happened, like, my mom died and dad died

both in February. And when it was minus 52 and, like, you have to bury

the body right away, and it was the height of COVID. And and it's

just so interesting. Like, it was the height of COVID, and,

like, it had to be outdoor funerals, and it was so cold. It was and

it was Zoom Zoom funerals. And Alana's bat mitzvah DJ

actually was who live streamed the funeral, like, talk about Jewish

pivots. I love that for you so much.

That's amazing. So, like, I'm just so sad right

now that someone's gonna listen to this in America. So and they can't, like,

go watch it. So, like, 1, come visit me in Canada and watch it. 2,

maybe get a VPN. Is that even a thing? You get a Canadian VPN.

Share it. Follow like, do all the things to because, like, it will become

available to you. And by then, there might even be my dead mom season 2

and 3. Who even knows? And I think, like, maybe let's just give a little

recap for those of those of us that, like, can't just go right now to

their streaming network and watch it because they're not as lucky as us Canadians.

Yeah. Right. Is it about? Like, how many episodes? What's it about? Who's in

it? It's 7 episodes. It's

about, a woman named Emmy. She's in her

thirties, and she just, she feels like she could be

living her best life if her mother would just stop talking.

It's played by, it's played by Lauren Collins,

who, was on Degrassi. She's, like, a Canadian

icon here, and she's just absolutely phenomenal. And my dead

mom is played by Megan Follows, who was Anne of Green Gables. So

2, like, huge Canadian icons, and they're just absolutely

like, they're they're both just just the best people in the entire

world and just incredible actors. And, it's just sort

of like how about how do you let go? Like, how do you say

goodbye? How do you actually move on with your life? And also the

idea that, like, our mothers never really leave us,

and they're still they are still so present in our lives, and they

never really they never really leave us even when we want them to sometimes,

like, when we're in bed with our partner, but they they are

still there.

And the trailer's available when you do so that you can that you can watch

to get get a taste of it. It's gonna it's below. It's, like, the in

the show notes, and, like, please watch the trailer. Like, it gives you a

good dose of it, and, like, I it's just so well done,

Wendy. And I think everyone needs to somehow

watch this because grief is fucking terrible, but it

doesn't have to be all sad. And sometimes, like, the

humor the humor helps the pain.

And the way you do it is so beautiful,

and it also will give everyone a glimpse into what it's like losing

a mother as a Jewish woman who's losing their Jewish mother

because your mom still shows up for you. Mine shows up in energy.

Like, I don't see her, but she shows up in different ways. Like, as you

were talking, I got goosebumps. Like, I I know when she's here, and she's probably

she's here right now. It's her birthday. Of course, she's here. She actually comes to

me in my dreams a lot. A lot. That's so

interesting. I I wrote an article at the when my mom first died, I wrote

an article for The Globe and Mail, where people would tell me

they would dream about my mom, and I didn't. And I felt like she was

snubbing me. And I'm like, why do I what why? Like, why

won't she come see me? So I, like, I couldn't really I didn't really

dream of her. So I always feel very jealous when people tell me they dream

about their their dead parents. So I think that's But your

mom shows like, I would love to so I was told, but I'm doing, like,

some intuitive healing, and I have a spiritual, like, guys, coach,

guide. We do we're doing past life stuff right now. Yeah. And

she's like, you're you have all 5, like, clairsentient, clairaudient,

like, all the Clairs. I'm like, k. Well, can we work on, like,

seeing the dead? Because it'd be really cool to see

my mom. Yeah. And, I mean, when the

time is right, the things will happen. But, I mean, I

think for you I mean, I'm not a

therapist, so I don't know. And I don't know how this works, but I and

I don't know your process. And I know life you have twins and you're you

all of our lives are different. I recognize that I don't have children, and I

have the luxury of time. I'm very intentional about

how I start my day. I wake up, move my body, usually have a candlelit

bath. I always pull an oracle card, and I meditate, and I

journal. And I always write down my dreams.

And the more I do that, the more my parents show up.

And before bed, sometimes, if I'm feeling really that I need my mom, I'll talk

to her and ask her to come see me. And, like, I did last night,

and my dad came to see me, and it was when my dad was in

addiction. So it wasn't, like, as as enjoyable as I hoped. And

it's fine. Like, he was alive, which was great. Like, I'll take I'll take that.

But, like, they come, but I ask for it. And I'm not saying

you can ask for it and they're not gonna come, but I was told by

some different multiple guides, multiple, like, people

that, like, the more I acknowledge it and accept it and, like, kind

of in my awake life, like, ask for it and document it, the

more it'll happen. And someone said, you know what you could do is writing a

note under your pillow before bed. Like, hey. I can't wait to see you tonight

in my dreams or please come visit me. Like, I give you permission. And maybe

that will work. I'm gonna try. I feel like speak like, speaking of

jokes that, like, Alana was asking, I, like, I feel like that's how this series

sort of started. I felt like I did see my mom once. I, like, I

was I was, I was sick, and I had a fever. And I was like,

I I guess maybe it's a little loose loosen

loosening, but I felt like I was in this fever haze, and I felt like

I saw the light. And I saw my mom, and she, like,

reached out her hand to me, like, come. And I was like, mom, I have

a UTI. Like, what are you doing? Like, it's not this is not the

time. This is like this is what feels way too soon. And so I

just that sort of sparked the, that sort of sparked the my

dead mom for me that only my mom would be like, I'm dead. You need

to be dead. Yeah. I you're you're

so brilliant, and I'm excited to support

the popularity of this in anything you do moving forward, whether it's in the

grief space or not because you are such a light, and you

did something so beautiful with my dead mom. And it gives people

I think it helps give to give people the permission that

they can have they can have the humor with the the the

heartbreak. Yes. I think people invalidate sometimes humor

as a and it it shouldn't be. I feel like it's equally as powerful and

important as crying. It is. So

besides getting, my dead mom into the US and other

other countries, What else is on your plate? Is there a season

2? Is there a movie coming out? Are dead moms? No. Are

dead moms? Oh my god. Yes. Let's do it. Okay. I'd

we're still I'm hopeful that there'll be a season 2. I'm,

right now, I'm just sort of, like, in the process of trying to figure out

what that would look like. I have lots of ideas, and I'm really excited. And

I feel like, I would love to tell more of the story and have it

go on. So I'll keep you posted, and I have I have

my fingers and toes crossed. I love it. Ugh. Whatever you

need, we are here to elevate you as our community,

Wendy. And I guess let's wrap up with a piece of advice. What

advice do you have for someone whose mom

dies? You're gonna be

okay. I just feel like I needed somebody to sort of hold me and feel

like you're gonna be okay. Like, I don't know when, and it might not be

now, but, like, you will. You you you are. You're gonna you're gonna be okay.

You're gonna find your way, and you're gonna be okay. I love

that. That's so beautiful, Wendy. And it's true. You guys, like,

in grief, eventually, you will be okay.

You won't feel like this forever. And it thank you,

Wendy. And and thank you for taking the time and for this happening, the

magic on 17th January. My pleasure. And

I just what a what a privilege and a joy to get to speak with

you. Thank you so much. Oh, so good. And you

know what? To everyone out there who spent some time with us, thank you.

This is a pleasure. We come out every Tuesday. You can watch us on

YouTube, on your favorite podcast player. You can listen to us.

We are that lighthouse in the storm for you because you know what? Life is

full of beautiful moments. It's also full of really hard shit.

Trust me. Me and Wendy and Alana all know. And you don't

have to go through it alone. You got a griefy BFF in me. You have

a whole community here full of advice, tools, people to

hold your hand. Take things one day at a time, one

moment at a time. You will be okay eventually,

and you are my friends, resilient AF. Thank

you.